In a recent “what the hell” kind of moment, I set up an online dating profile. I mean, I don’t go clubbing, my friends all seem to be happily married, and… well, why not? The only thing I have to lose is some cool story of how we met and maybe some time (OK, and maybe a tiny bit of my dignity).
And let's face it, the closest I've come to a date in the last few years was that lovely gentleman in my Romantic Literature class (Oh, the irony!) that stared at me all semester, then wrote a somewhat-flattering, somewhat-creepy-ass poem about me. Shudder!
But with the online dating, I’ve discovered a couple of things I didn’t expect. First of all, an insane number of guys use one of two pictures. 1) The obligatory “look at this gigantic fish I caught and now have hung on my finger by its gills” pictures and 2) the at-a-loss “I guess I’ll have to take my own picture by holding up the phone to the bathroom mirror” picture. The anthropologist in me suggests that perhaps the fish pictures are a subconscious suggestion of what good providers they are and they can clearly take care of a family. Mum says that guys just don’t have their pictures taken very often, so many of them fall into one of these two categories.
I’ve also decided that online dating is like shopping at Ross. You have to dig through a WHOLE BUNCH of crap in the hope that you’ll find that fabulous blouse that makes you feel like a million bucks. In reality, you end up with a cheap dress that dissolves the first time you get caught out in the rain. And don’t even get me started on the dressing rooms…
A few tips regarding photos you should avoid (like any of you are reading my blog). First, pictures of you with a bikini-clad chick make me think you don't really need me and would probably hate me if you met me (trust me, it would be mutual). Second, pictures of you pushing your terrifying-looking mother in a wheelchair are, yes, sweet, but also make me want to run like hell. Third, (these have nothing to do with photos, but are good suggestions anyway) if you tell me how "awesome" and "hot" you are, it just makes me think that you're compensating for something. Fourth, if you message me and say "ur cute," I'm going to roll my eyes and delete it. Fifth, you better use at least some approximation of punctuation and capitalization if you want me to take you at all seriously.
I appreciate full sets of teeth, a certain amount of what I like to call "book-learnin'," and the ability to form a coherent sentence (you get bonus points for eloquence and cleverness). Also, not being a serial killer is super hot.
That being said, stranger things have happened and I'm willing to give a shot. Please, don't make me regret it.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Only With a Best Friend
You know that someone is your best friend when you can spend a day together where everything goes to hell, nothing works the way you wanted it to, and you can still laugh about it during and afterwards.
This past summer, by best friend Jennie and I had a day exactly like that. I'm not sure why I didn't post about it at the time, actually.
The whole thing started with a U2 concert that never happened (well, it got delayed), because Bono threw his back out. We decided that since we still needed our U2 fix, we'd take the local commuter train down to Salt Lake and see the U2 laser show at the planetarium. Genius, right? In theory, yes. In practice, well...
We thought we had it planned out just so. We got down there, stopped past the planetarium to get our tickets and nipped up to the pub to get some fish and chips and beer. We cut the time a little tight and missed the train to take us back down to the planetarium, so we decided to make a run for it. Running after downing some grease-laden fish and chugging a bottle of Bass is not a very good idea. You'd think that by 30 I'd have figured this stuff out, but we were desperate. Did we make it, you ask? We came pretty close, but we looked at our watched when we were 2/3rds of the way there and decided we were too damn slow.
At this point, we looked at each other and couldn't stop laughing. Clearly, we were not meant to see U2 on that day. In hindsight, we may have just chucked the evening in there and gone to catch the train to come home. Instead, we went to a different bar, met Jennie's friend Mike, and drank some more beer.
Eventually we looked at our watches and knew we should be making our way back to the station to catch the last train back to Ogden. Jennie had specifically looked at the time, so we wouldn't miss it....
After we'd sat in the station for twenty minutes, giggling at our amusing evening and feeling good from the beer we'd consumed, we realized there were a) no people at the station and b) no trains at the station. She had looked at the time for the last Saturday train... and it was Friday. The train was gone.
It was 12:30am at this point and I called my mum (who tends to worry about her only child), informed her of the insane situation and assured her that we didn't need to be rescued. Shaking our heads and teasing each other mercilessly, we went back to bar #2, told Mike about our predicament, and accepted his gracious offer of his couch for the remainder of the night. (Thanks, Mike!) After a shared cab ride, a seriously kick-ass pickle, and a heated discussion of The Beach Boys and Bruce Springsteen, the three of us succumbed to sleep.
The next morning I blessed the stage manager in me that keeps a toothbrush in her purse and my EdPass that lets me get on any UTA bus for free. While Mike was still snoring away, Jennie and I crept outside to wait for the bus to take us to the train to take us to the other train that would take us home.
If I had been with pretty much anybody else that day I would likely have lost my mind, but because I was with Jennie it was simply funny as hell. And with our paranoia, we've been obscenely early for movies ever since.
Thanks, Babe. And Happy Birthday.
This past summer, by best friend Jennie and I had a day exactly like that. I'm not sure why I didn't post about it at the time, actually.
The whole thing started with a U2 concert that never happened (well, it got delayed), because Bono threw his back out. We decided that since we still needed our U2 fix, we'd take the local commuter train down to Salt Lake and see the U2 laser show at the planetarium. Genius, right? In theory, yes. In practice, well...
We thought we had it planned out just so. We got down there, stopped past the planetarium to get our tickets and nipped up to the pub to get some fish and chips and beer. We cut the time a little tight and missed the train to take us back down to the planetarium, so we decided to make a run for it. Running after downing some grease-laden fish and chugging a bottle of Bass is not a very good idea. You'd think that by 30 I'd have figured this stuff out, but we were desperate. Did we make it, you ask? We came pretty close, but we looked at our watched when we were 2/3rds of the way there and decided we were too damn slow.
At this point, we looked at each other and couldn't stop laughing. Clearly, we were not meant to see U2 on that day. In hindsight, we may have just chucked the evening in there and gone to catch the train to come home. Instead, we went to a different bar, met Jennie's friend Mike, and drank some more beer.
Eventually we looked at our watches and knew we should be making our way back to the station to catch the last train back to Ogden. Jennie had specifically looked at the time, so we wouldn't miss it....
After we'd sat in the station for twenty minutes, giggling at our amusing evening and feeling good from the beer we'd consumed, we realized there were a) no people at the station and b) no trains at the station. She had looked at the time for the last Saturday train... and it was Friday. The train was gone.
It was 12:30am at this point and I called my mum (who tends to worry about her only child), informed her of the insane situation and assured her that we didn't need to be rescued. Shaking our heads and teasing each other mercilessly, we went back to bar #2, told Mike about our predicament, and accepted his gracious offer of his couch for the remainder of the night. (Thanks, Mike!) After a shared cab ride, a seriously kick-ass pickle, and a heated discussion of The Beach Boys and Bruce Springsteen, the three of us succumbed to sleep.
The next morning I blessed the stage manager in me that keeps a toothbrush in her purse and my EdPass that lets me get on any UTA bus for free. While Mike was still snoring away, Jennie and I crept outside to wait for the bus to take us to the train to take us to the other train that would take us home.
If I had been with pretty much anybody else that day I would likely have lost my mind, but because I was with Jennie it was simply funny as hell. And with our paranoia, we've been obscenely early for movies ever since.
Thanks, Babe. And Happy Birthday.
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
The Physics of Physics
I've gotten many freaked out looks lately. Why, you ask? Well, I'm voluntarily taking a physics class. The first week of the semester I had a class be cancelled. (The first time I've ever had a class cancelled.) It was a video editing class and the main reason it got cancelled was there weren't enough students taking it. Shocker.
I only need two more generals: an art class and a science class. No art classes were being offered on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so science it was. Now, I'm a complete sucker for physics stuff. Not only do I love The Big Bang Theory, but I also loved The Elegant Universe. This is fascinating stuff that makes our world function the way it does. Galileo? Genius. Einstein? Ditto.
My professor signed an e-mail to me "Dr. G," so he's now known as Dr. Gravity and his syllabus was hand-written then xeroxed. I guess he couldn't find a mimeograph machine. (Yes, I know what they are...)
Since I started the class, I keep telling people that I, the English major, am taking a physics class just so I can watch the look that crosses their faces. It's a combination of "What the hell?" and "Is she drunk?"
I can't help it if I hear about the equation that "got us to the moon" and write exclamation points and smiley faces in the margin of my notes! It's a simple concept, but it sent us 250,000 miles away and got us back again!!! I'm getting all teary just thinking about it.
Don't hate me cause I'm a geek.
I only need two more generals: an art class and a science class. No art classes were being offered on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so science it was. Now, I'm a complete sucker for physics stuff. Not only do I love The Big Bang Theory, but I also loved The Elegant Universe. This is fascinating stuff that makes our world function the way it does. Galileo? Genius. Einstein? Ditto.
My professor signed an e-mail to me "Dr. G," so he's now known as Dr. Gravity and his syllabus was hand-written then xeroxed. I guess he couldn't find a mimeograph machine. (Yes, I know what they are...)
Since I started the class, I keep telling people that I, the English major, am taking a physics class just so I can watch the look that crosses their faces. It's a combination of "What the hell?" and "Is she drunk?"
I can't help it if I hear about the equation that "got us to the moon" and write exclamation points and smiley faces in the margin of my notes! It's a simple concept, but it sent us 250,000 miles away and got us back again!!! I'm getting all teary just thinking about it.
Don't hate me cause I'm a geek.
Thursday, April 01, 2010
The Whisperer in Darkness Trailer
I know. I know. It's been forever since I've posted anything. I was waiting for something truly amazing to post about and, BEHOLD, it's here!
Here is the trailer for The Whisperer in Darkness. That's right, my friends, this is what I did with my fall vacation from school. Check it out and see if you're as excited as I am!
When I embed the video in here directly, the right side gets cut off, but use this link.
Here is the trailer for The Whisperer in Darkness. That's right, my friends, this is what I did with my fall vacation from school. Check it out and see if you're as excited as I am!
When I embed the video in here directly, the right side gets cut off, but use this link.
Friday, October 09, 2009
The Whisperer in Darkness - Day Two
I'm sorry I'm not doing these more often, but time to yourself is a rare commodity on this shoot. At the moment I'm covered in paint from painting a set that should have been completed while we were in New England. Silly of me, really, to think that I wouldn't end up painting a set for this. We've re-arranged our shooting a bit and we're back on schedule. Now I'm off for a much-needed bath.
Day 2 (September 22, 2009) – First Day of Shooting!
5:00am: Wow, another early morning. And it feels like it’s two hours earlier. Granted, to my compatriots it feels like it’s three hours earlier.
7:00: In Jamaica state park to film a dead sheep in a river. It’s a party now!
7:20: Met Paul, our farmer. He’s a cool dude and a tech writer and he has to get super wet in an ice cold river in Vermont.
8:06: Found myself lying amidst cold, hard rocks, desperate not to be seen by the camera while making fog to make the river look “eerie.”
8:35: First shot is in the can! WOO!
8:42: The dead sheep looks gross and yet cool!
9:00: Sean says I’m having too much fun. Hee!
4:30: On the busiest road in Vermont trying to film in some fields, but people keep driving past. One woman in a Prius tried to run us over 6 separate times.
6:00: The lovely Andrea Ogden (whose house we’re filming in front of) brought us cold local beer to refresh us. These Vermonters are so sweet and friendly.
6:06: I don’t have to look at the monitor to know how a shot is looking. I just watch Sean and Andrew’s faces. Their smiles speak volumes.
8:00: Back to base camp from Landgrove. Sigh.
8:20: Loony chef brought me a flower (!) (and all the girls), but gets mad when I try to take the red one.
8:30: Finished dinner, but we have more simple shots to do. It does mean we have a later start tomorrow.
9:45: Let Amanda run the fog machine cause she feels like the kid in preschool who’s getting punished for eating paste.
9:47: Must keep moving or will fall asleep.
9:49: Chris Lackey says he’ll end this shoot “ripped or dead.” We figure it’s a new line of workout tapes. Chris keeps being the dude to hold up the rain rig (since it’s not actually raining in New England), which is a steel pipe filled with water with a sprinkler at one end and a hose attached to the other.
10:53: A stinger sounds like it should be a fish or something, but it’s really a big-ass extension cord.
Day 2 (September 22, 2009) – First Day of Shooting!
5:00am: Wow, another early morning. And it feels like it’s two hours earlier. Granted, to my compatriots it feels like it’s three hours earlier.
7:00: In Jamaica state park to film a dead sheep in a river. It’s a party now!
7:20: Met Paul, our farmer. He’s a cool dude and a tech writer and he has to get super wet in an ice cold river in Vermont.
8:06: Found myself lying amidst cold, hard rocks, desperate not to be seen by the camera while making fog to make the river look “eerie.”
8:35: First shot is in the can! WOO!
8:42: The dead sheep looks gross and yet cool!
9:00: Sean says I’m having too much fun. Hee!
4:30: On the busiest road in Vermont trying to film in some fields, but people keep driving past. One woman in a Prius tried to run us over 6 separate times.
6:00: The lovely Andrea Ogden (whose house we’re filming in front of) brought us cold local beer to refresh us. These Vermonters are so sweet and friendly.
6:06: I don’t have to look at the monitor to know how a shot is looking. I just watch Sean and Andrew’s faces. Their smiles speak volumes.
8:00: Back to base camp from Landgrove. Sigh.
8:20: Loony chef brought me a flower (!) (and all the girls), but gets mad when I try to take the red one.
8:30: Finished dinner, but we have more simple shots to do. It does mean we have a later start tomorrow.
9:45: Let Amanda run the fog machine cause she feels like the kid in preschool who’s getting punished for eating paste.
9:47: Must keep moving or will fall asleep.
9:49: Chris Lackey says he’ll end this shoot “ripped or dead.” We figure it’s a new line of workout tapes. Chris keeps being the dude to hold up the rain rig (since it’s not actually raining in New England), which is a steel pipe filled with water with a sprinkler at one end and a hose attached to the other.
10:53: A stinger sounds like it should be a fish or something, but it’s really a big-ass extension cord.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Whisperer at Mount Holyoke
I could wait to post this until I post my timeline from the day, but it's too cool to wait. That script at the beginning? Yup, that's mine.
The Whisperer in Darkness - Day One
Wow! So sorry it'a taken me so long to post. There was a really irritating lack of internet access in New Hampshire. I'm back now. Back in L.A., that is. Here's what happened last Monday. I have a few of these saved up and more to write. The joy of making movies.
Pictures soon to follow!
Day 1 – Monday, September 21st
4:30am: Dude, it’s early!
4:32: Nudged Daddy awake, cause he didn’t hear the alarm go off.
4:33: Wondered if he really was awake.
5:00: Left home. Buy kitties, buy Mummy!
5:20: Wondered how many times my father was going to bitch about red lights before he finally let it go.
5:55: Smooched the Daddy goodbye at the airport curb.
6:00: Marveled at the SHORT line for American Airlines!
6:02: My suitcase weighs 33 lbs. Trivia is fun!
6:05: Saw the line for security and figured it made up for the short check-in line.
6:06: A little girl in the security line has a backpack bigger than she is. Blonde and cute.
6:11: Told the security dude his name tag was on upside down. He said he’d been there for half and hour and I was the first one to notice. I’ve got your back, Ross.
6:18: Mmmm… Starbucks.
6:25: At the gate, checked my e-mail, blah, blah.
6:40: On the plane. Glowered at the people in first class, just for effect.
6:42: Had the weird recollection that de-icer smells like maple syrup.
6:48: Done “reading” Skymall and the in-flight magazine. Good article on Ricky Gervais.
7:20: Finally in the air. We taxied so far, I thought we were driving to Chicago.
7:25: Realized that these stupid little tables on the plane are not QUITE big enough for my laptop.
7:35: I dislike turbulence.
7:45: We have to detour for thunderstorms across the midwest. This is bad, since my layover in Chicago is only 30 minutes anyway.
9:13: Was strangely fascinated by some awesome clouds.
10:32: Prodded two people awake so I could go “un-hydrate.”
10:40: Finished crossword in in-flight magazine.
10:45: (Chicago time) Heard Josh saying, “Don’t tell me what to do it sickens me,” when they told us for the fourth time to keep our seatbelts buckled while we were in our seats.
11:15” Plane should be landed at O’Hare and we’re still in the air!
11:30: Wondered if the plane always makes that noise when it lands. Hmm…
11:31: On the ground!
11:35: At the gate! Out of my way, people!
11:45: Off the plane and sprinting for the other end of O’Hare to make a flight that leaves in 5 minutes.
11:50: Gasping and wheezing, but just in time.
11:51: A line to get on the plane?! I could have stopped to pee!!
12:08: Mention of “life rafts stored in the overhead compartments” sounds like “live rats stored in the overhead compartments.”
12:09: Can’t stop coughing. This is why I don’t jog to keep in shape.
12:16: And we’re off again!
2:22: (Boston time) Losing two hours should make the day feel shorter, but it doesn’t.
3:10: On the ground! Huzzah!
3:20: Called the Mothershipto inform of safe landing. She reminded me to stand up straight.
3:30: Please God, let my suitcase be here too!
3:35: My suitcase! Double HUZZAH!!
3:43: I hate crying children.
4:12: I also hate “Unchained Melody!” Ugh!
4:20: Someone I recognize. Yay, they’re here!
4:22: Thoroughly kissed by Barry Lynch, Matt Foyer, Andrew Leman, Laura Brody, and Sean Branney.
4:45: In a BIG van trying to follow a conversation about where it’s best to be during a zombie attack. Apparently the prison in Concord, Mass. or the Warner Bros. movie studio are the best. According to Chris Lackey, anyway.
5:00: The leaf peeping isn’t quite as developed as I was hoping for, but what are you going to do?
7:45: New Hampshire is bringing out the West Wing geek in me. Home of Jed Bartlet! AH HA HA!!
8:00: During a long drive to our Home Base in New Hampshire I was told in so uncertain terms that I was NOT going back to Utah by about 7 different people.
8:30: Lunatic chef man is making me crazy and I’ve only known him for 30 seconds.
12:20: Partied hardy with my favorite people. Ate, drank, laughed. I’ve really missed these guys. Wouldn’t have partied quite so hard if I’d known our call for tomorrow morning (this morning) was going to be so freakin’ early. Sigh.
Pictures soon to follow!
Day 1 – Monday, September 21st
4:30am: Dude, it’s early!
4:32: Nudged Daddy awake, cause he didn’t hear the alarm go off.
4:33: Wondered if he really was awake.
5:00: Left home. Buy kitties, buy Mummy!
5:20: Wondered how many times my father was going to bitch about red lights before he finally let it go.
5:55: Smooched the Daddy goodbye at the airport curb.
6:00: Marveled at the SHORT line for American Airlines!
6:02: My suitcase weighs 33 lbs. Trivia is fun!
6:05: Saw the line for security and figured it made up for the short check-in line.
6:06: A little girl in the security line has a backpack bigger than she is. Blonde and cute.
6:11: Told the security dude his name tag was on upside down. He said he’d been there for half and hour and I was the first one to notice. I’ve got your back, Ross.
6:18: Mmmm… Starbucks.
6:25: At the gate, checked my e-mail, blah, blah.
6:40: On the plane. Glowered at the people in first class, just for effect.
6:42: Had the weird recollection that de-icer smells like maple syrup.
6:48: Done “reading” Skymall and the in-flight magazine. Good article on Ricky Gervais.
7:20: Finally in the air. We taxied so far, I thought we were driving to Chicago.
7:25: Realized that these stupid little tables on the plane are not QUITE big enough for my laptop.
7:35: I dislike turbulence.
7:45: We have to detour for thunderstorms across the midwest. This is bad, since my layover in Chicago is only 30 minutes anyway.
9:13: Was strangely fascinated by some awesome clouds.
10:32: Prodded two people awake so I could go “un-hydrate.”
10:40: Finished crossword in in-flight magazine.
10:45: (Chicago time) Heard Josh saying, “Don’t tell me what to do it sickens me,” when they told us for the fourth time to keep our seatbelts buckled while we were in our seats.
11:15” Plane should be landed at O’Hare and we’re still in the air!
11:30: Wondered if the plane always makes that noise when it lands. Hmm…
11:31: On the ground!
11:35: At the gate! Out of my way, people!
11:45: Off the plane and sprinting for the other end of O’Hare to make a flight that leaves in 5 minutes.
11:50: Gasping and wheezing, but just in time.
11:51: A line to get on the plane?! I could have stopped to pee!!
12:08: Mention of “life rafts stored in the overhead compartments” sounds like “live rats stored in the overhead compartments.”
12:09: Can’t stop coughing. This is why I don’t jog to keep in shape.
12:16: And we’re off again!
2:22: (Boston time) Losing two hours should make the day feel shorter, but it doesn’t.
3:10: On the ground! Huzzah!
3:20: Called the Mothershipto inform of safe landing. She reminded me to stand up straight.
3:30: Please God, let my suitcase be here too!
3:35: My suitcase! Double HUZZAH!!
3:43: I hate crying children.
4:12: I also hate “Unchained Melody!” Ugh!
4:20: Someone I recognize. Yay, they’re here!
4:22: Thoroughly kissed by Barry Lynch, Matt Foyer, Andrew Leman, Laura Brody, and Sean Branney.
4:45: In a BIG van trying to follow a conversation about where it’s best to be during a zombie attack. Apparently the prison in Concord, Mass. or the Warner Bros. movie studio are the best. According to Chris Lackey, anyway.
5:00: The leaf peeping isn’t quite as developed as I was hoping for, but what are you going to do?
7:45: New Hampshire is bringing out the West Wing geek in me. Home of Jed Bartlet! AH HA HA!!
8:00: During a long drive to our Home Base in New Hampshire I was told in so uncertain terms that I was NOT going back to Utah by about 7 different people.
8:30: Lunatic chef man is making me crazy and I’ve only known him for 30 seconds.
12:20: Partied hardy with my favorite people. Ate, drank, laughed. I’ve really missed these guys. Wouldn’t have partied quite so hard if I’d known our call for tomorrow morning (this morning) was going to be so freakin’ early. Sigh.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Come All to the Fair
Apparently, I've reached a whole new level of snootiness. In the last two weeks, I've been to two county fairs and the whole thing just escapes me. I'm looking at a sign that says "Kachunga and the Alligator Show," I wandered through the animal pens, I averted my eyes from the pie-eating contest, and decided I'd hold it rather than pee in their scary restroom with two year olds peering under the stall doors. If the "psychic" was reading palms instead of tarot cards I might be swayed.
I should applaud these people for growing and raising and creating things they're so proud of. I should be able to give them their moment to shine without rolling my eyes in derision. When did I become so jaded that I couldn't enjoy this? Is this what living in L.A. did to me?
The Weber County Fair at least had a band I wanted to see. We braved insane wind and air so thick with dust you couldn't see the mountains to see an acappella group called T-Minus Five. Five guys singing harmony made up for the fact that the beer was Coors and Bud Light. You know the band is singing for a conservative county fair crowd when they change the lyrics to Brown Eyed Girl from "making love in the green grass" to "making friends in the green grass." Chickens.
I wonder if they'd let a grownup have a free pony ride.
I wonder what kind of pie they ate for the contest.
I wonder what the psychic would see in my cards.
I wonder where that asian couple got all that cheap Michael Jackson stuff.
I wonder what that cat is going to do to his mistress for making him do "tricks" on a 95 degree day. (His trick tonight is going to be barfing on mom's pillow.)
I wonder when the alligator show is.
Ooh, I really wish I hadn't seen that guy's full moon as he stood up from that table to throw away his leftover funnel cake. . .
I should applaud these people for growing and raising and creating things they're so proud of. I should be able to give them their moment to shine without rolling my eyes in derision. When did I become so jaded that I couldn't enjoy this? Is this what living in L.A. did to me?
The Weber County Fair at least had a band I wanted to see. We braved insane wind and air so thick with dust you couldn't see the mountains to see an acappella group called T-Minus Five. Five guys singing harmony made up for the fact that the beer was Coors and Bud Light. You know the band is singing for a conservative county fair crowd when they change the lyrics to Brown Eyed Girl from "making love in the green grass" to "making friends in the green grass." Chickens.
I wonder if they'd let a grownup have a free pony ride.
I wonder what kind of pie they ate for the contest.
I wonder what the psychic would see in my cards.
I wonder where that asian couple got all that cheap Michael Jackson stuff.
I wonder what that cat is going to do to his mistress for making him do "tricks" on a 95 degree day. (His trick tonight is going to be barfing on mom's pillow.)
I wonder when the alligator show is.
Ooh, I really wish I hadn't seen that guy's full moon as he stood up from that table to throw away his leftover funnel cake. . .
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