Plenty of Fish... on Their Fingers

In a recent “what the hell” kind of moment, I set up an online dating profile. I mean, I don’t go clubbing, my friends all seem to be happily married, and… well, why not? The only thing I have to lose is some cool story of how we met and maybe some time (OK, and maybe a tiny bit of my dignity).

And let's face it, the closest I've come to a date in the last few years was that lovely gentleman in my Romantic Literature class (Oh, the irony!) that stared at me all semester, then wrote a somewhat-flattering, somewhat-creepy-ass poem about me. Shudder!

But with the online dating, I’ve discovered a couple of things I didn’t expect. First of all, an insane number of guys use one of two pictures. 1) The obligatory “look at this gigantic fish I caught and now have hung on my finger by its gills” pictures and 2) the at-a-loss “I guess I’ll have to take my own picture by holding up the phone to the bathroom mirror” picture. The anthropologist in me suggests that perhaps the fish pictures are a subconscious suggestion of what good providers they are and they can clearly take care of a family. Mum says that guys just don’t have their pictures taken very often, so many of them fall into one of these two categories.

I’ve also decided that online dating is like shopping at Ross. You have to dig through a WHOLE BUNCH of crap in the hope that you’ll find that fabulous blouse that makes you feel like a million bucks. In reality, you end up with a cheap dress that dissolves the first time you get caught out in the rain. And don’t even get me started on the dressing rooms…

A few tips regarding photos you should avoid (like any of you are reading my blog). First, pictures of you with a bikini-clad chick make me think you don't really need me and would probably hate me if you met me (trust me, it would be mutual). Second, pictures of you pushing your terrifying-looking mother in a wheelchair are, yes, sweet, but also make me want to run like hell. Third, (these have nothing to do with photos, but are good suggestions anyway) if you tell me how "awesome" and "hot" you are, it just makes me think that you're compensating for something. Fourth, if you message me and say "ur cute," I'm going to roll my eyes and delete it. Fifth, you better use at least some approximation of punctuation and capitalization if you want me to take you at all seriously.

I appreciate full sets of teeth, a certain amount of what I like to call "book-learnin'," and the ability to form a coherent sentence (you get bonus points for eloquence and cleverness). Also, not being a serial killer is super hot.

That being said, stranger things have happened and I'm willing to give a shot. Please, don't make me regret it.

A Sign That I Am Not a Pod Person

For those of you out there who think I always remember everything and never miss a detail, I have two instances for your consideration.

First, my mom and I were at the gym yesterday and she mentioned that a guy on the elliptical would "know me if he saw me again." I was oblivious. I think I'm pretty observant (usually), but I completely missed that. Sigh.

Second? Last Thursday I got onto campus shortly after 7am. I came with my mom for what I thought was an 8:30 class. I got there and found out it was a 7:30 class and that there were 15 minutes left. Dude! That's bad enough, right? NO! It gets worse.

I show up today (at the right time) and find out it's a TUESDAY AND THURSDAY class. I had looked on the website to make sure that it was just Thursdays and the schedule for summer is so... bollocksed up that you just can't tell. So... I didn't miss one class, I missed THREE. Damn it! Fortunately, they had just gone over the html code that I taught myself years ago. And the assignment that I turned in the other day in an effort to make up for the class (the one that I thought at the time) I missed? We did it in class today.

I feel like an idiot, but thank God I didn't miss anything more important than that. Again... sigh.

There are a few Banshees that would be very reassured by this sign that I am, in fact, human. I, on the other hand, am just irritated.

Culture, Taste, Wisdom, & Words

You haven't heard from me in ages, you say?

Well, last weekend, I went to the symphony, the opera, and a beer-tasting. Keith Lockhart is on the verge of leaving the Utah Symphony, so the parental units and I caught his last "Pops" concert. They played everything from The Blue Danube and Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy to the Beatles. Lots of fun! That was Thursday.

Friday, I went with my grandparents to see The Marriage of Figaro by Utah Opera. Watching it, you could tell exactly why Mozart was revered as highly as he was. Truly amazing. LONG, but amazing. A happy opera. Wow!

Saturday night, our group of friends that meets for a monthly wine-tasting, met for the annual because-it's-St.-Patrick's-Day beer-tasting. I find that my taste for beer has waned somewhat. There was some of my favorite Bass there and it just wasn't as tasty as I remembered. I guess as my knowledge of wine grows, my palate has changed. Or I'm a freak. Take your pick.

This just past Friday, another of my mother's infamous teas was on the books. "Pearls of Wisdom" was the theme of this one. I don't know how "wise" we were after the two bottles of champagne we had, but we didn't really care.

My pearl of wisdom for the day?

"Mastering yourself, makes you fearless."
-Lao Tzu

A huge congrats to Ang and her honey-man on their new arrival!!! Go happy for you guys! She's beautiful!

A Re-Occuring Theme in my Reading Material

My Utah girlfriends gave me a gift certificate for my birthday in December for a local bookstore. Beside myself, I took my $75 and an hour and a half during the holidays and went in to snoop and dig through the stacks. The two women behind the counter grinned at me and let me go about my giddy business.

I walked out with the following:

A new copy of Jane Eyre, to replace my sad old copy.

A book called London by Edward Rutherford that I'm reading now and LOVING!

The first two books in a series about a Victorian, schoogirl who discovers that she's gifted with magic. A Great and Terrible Beauty and Rebel Angels. I've read the first one and it was great.

The Tales of Beedle the Bard to continue my Harry Potter collection. I've read two of the short stories and it inspired me to read The Seven again. I know, I'm a freak.

A copy of a historical fiction novel called Katherine. For obvious reasons this looked cool. Haven't read it yet.

I had $1.50 left on the gift certificate and seriously impressed the women with my huge stack of reading material. They suggested Edward Rutherford's book on Stonehenge called Sarum and with how much I'm enjoying London, I'm definitely going to seek it out.

On my way home I realized that ALL of them are set in England. At least I'm consistent.

Movies I Can Watch Over and Over

Raiders of the Lost Ark
That first reveal of Harrison Ford. Need I say more? No.

Ironman
Super cool! And I mean Gwyneth Paltrow's shoes. And Robert Downey Jr. Any movie that starts with Back in Black, has to be awesome! And it is.

Lord of the Rings
Every time I watch these movies, I'm struck all over again by what a genius Peter Jackson is. And how sexy Viggo Mortensen is. Grr!

Hot Fuzz
Simon Pegg's wonderful! "Fascist!" "Hag."

Love Actually
Hugh Grant as PM of Great Britain?! Dancing to the Pointer Sisters?! Obviously.

Batman Begins
Best Batman movie EVER! Dark Knight was great too. But Begins is the one I own.

Casino Royale
Best Bond movie EVER! Quantum of Solace, not so much.

Delayed Gratification is Highly Overrated

Is it Monday? Is it Friday? Who cares! It's 9am and I'm still in my jammies! I love not having school.

I also love getting Christmas presents early. I never was one for delayed gratification and neither was my mother. She caved the other night and gave me the first season of The Big Bang Theory on DVD.

Here's my latest favorite quote. (Only ten more days until the Doctor Who Christmas special!)

Leonard: What are you doing?

Sheldon: Every Saturday since we've lived in this apartment, I have awakened at 6:15, poured myself a bowl of cereal, added a quarter-cup of 2% milk, sat on this end of this couch, turned on BBC America, and watched Doctor Who.

Leonard: Penny's still sleeping.

Sheldon: Every Saturday since we've lived in this apartment, I have awakened at 6:15, poured myself a bowl of cereal...

Leonard: You have a TV in your room, why don't you just have breakfast in bed?

Sheldon: Because I am neither an invalid nor a woman celebrating Mother's Day.

I Don't Share Well

For the last few weeks I've been sharing my bed with a very handsome guy.

There are two downfalls to this, though. First, he snores. It's more of a purr, but still he makes noise. Second, he doesn't share worth crap. And neither do I. Since my bed is only a Twin, this makes a big difference!

He insinuates himself into the covers some time during the evening and when I go to bed, there he is!

This is Pie. He's a muffin and very vocal. He also drinks out of the faucet.

It's a good thing he's so cute or I'd have to hurt him. I'm such a sucker, I've been letting him stay. Of course, I have to squeeze my legs around him all night.

You guys thought I was talking about something else at first, weren't you? Sadly, it's just a dashing cat instead of a dashing human.

This, I Believe... (3 Years Later)

I started this blog on a whim three years ago. I've been fairly good at updating it regularly. It was an excellent way to let my family know how my day to day life was when I was two states away. Now that I'm back? Well, it entertains Ang in Vegas for one and my aunty in L.A. for another. And it stills amuses me to post the funky stories that make my life so rich.

I thought another installment of "This, I Believe..." would be a good way to celebrate the anniversary of What the Hell?!

I believe every once in a while you need to take a terrifying step in life. It shakes you out of your complacency and wakes you up to what you really want. It may hurt like hell, but in the end, you'll be better off for it. (You, meaning me.)

I still believe in starter fluid and it's miraculousness. Vice grips are still phenomenal. And white lightning? Righteous. Grandfather? Better than all of the above combined.

Good theatre? The stuff of legend. A way to escape and a way to feed my soul. I miss it desperately every day.

I believe Utah is good therapy in many ways. A support system like no other (well, maybe one), a world of excellent food, exemplary company, my clan, and the comfort of my childhood.

I believe in kindred spirits and supporting them however I can. From two states away or just a chair away.

I believe in my dear sweet kitty and how much she loves me and INSISTS on being where I am.

I believe in my mum and dad. Always have and always will. Unconditionally.

Life is better than ever and I'm more thankful than I can say.

The Return of the Gobble

It's that time again! Gobble time!

When I figured out that I'd actually get to go with my grandfather to get the turkey this year, I was thrilled! Tuesday afternoon we'll cart ourselves out to White's Turkey Farm and pick up the 30 lb behemoth.

Wednesday night we'll gather to break the bread for the stuffing.

And Thursday, I'll make my Uncle Josh's fabulous Kentucky Pecan Pie, including dark chocolate! Mmmmm......

And we'll probably all gather for leftovers on Friday.

Life is good!

A quote for this sunny, and yet freezing, Friday...

"Our rural ancestors, with little blest,Patient of labour when the end was rest,Indulged the day that housed their annual grain,With feasts, and off'rings, and a thankful strain."
~Alexander Pope

Tell Me a Bedtime Story, Mr. Lovecraft

I didn't fall asleep until midnight the other night, despite the fact that I went to bed at the ridiculously early hour of 8:45pm. So, what did I do for those hours? Stared at the ceiling. Tried to get the cat to actually share the foot of the bed with me. He got pissed off and left. Listened to my sacred iPod. And finally fell asleep listening to The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society's old-time radio drama "The Dunwich Horror."

Isn't that about a slimy monster who tries to take over the world, starting with the town of Dunwich? Why, yes. Is that weird?

Picture of said greedy cat to follow...

Writing Technicalities

When I started my technical writing class this semester, Mum suggested that I start another blog where I could collect my technical writings. I could use it as a portfolio in the future. I set it up and waited for something cool to post. Well, it's a month to the end of the semester and I just can't get myself to post my "Instructions for How to Brew the Perfect Cup of Tea" or "The Parts of a Pointe Shoe."

OK, so it shows that I can write a set of instructions and can explain the workings and functions of the agonizing parts of the shoe, but for general public consumption? I don't think so. I can't even bare to think of reading it and I wrote it!

Sure, I'll keep copies of all the assignments I've done, but I'll come up with something clever to post on "What's Next?" (That's the other blog, by the way.) Think Jed Bartlet and the title will make sense.

Need a Summer Job?

The campus newspaper has a notice in it today for "Sheep Shearer's." Sure, I know people need to sheer the woolies so they don't run around in their "woolens" all year round, but I never thought I'd see a Want Ad for it.

That's almost definitely something you wouldn't see in L.A.!

The awesome part of it is the difference in what you get paid for a Ewe, a Lamb, or a Ram! Is that for crankiness of the animal involved? Size? Nooks and crannies?

The very idea just makes me giggle with glee. I've been showing it to people all morning, but nobody thinks it's as funny as I do.

Am I just weird?

Don't answer that.

Happy Halloween, my Cherubs!

I Vo-ted!

I went to vote today (yes, early, thank you very much)! I took great delight in doing my meager part. I touched that screen with joy and hope in my optimistic little heart.

This is the great part of living in a democracy! Even living in a red state, as I do, I still get to have my say. It may not do anything, but nothing ever changed from people saying, "One person doesn't matter." As President Bartlet says, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world." And as Will Bailey responds, "It's the only thing that ever has."

So, go vote somewhere between now and Tuesday and let's see if we can change the world.

Random Vegetable-Oriented Thoughts

Why are certain things tasty when we're little and then become nasty as we age? Or vice versa?

I used to hate tomatoes more than any other food and now I love them. And my mom tells me that I used to steal the pickled beets off her salads, but I only remember detesting them and their purpleness. Movng to L.A. helped me a lot. I discovered heirloom tomoatoes, fresh asparagus, tasty hummus, and the joys of pate. All things I used to spit at the cat.

Is it a change in body chemistry, or what?

I'm just wondering.

I'm off to find a salad for lunch. Extra tomatoes, hold the beets, thanks.

In Absentia

So...

Tonight Theatre Banshee starts rehearsals for it's new show The Year of the Hiker....

I'm not there.

Yes, my aunt and her hubby are SMing in my place. Yes, this makes me feel slightly better. Yes, I've agreed to do the sound design from two states away.

Would I rather be there for the next six weeks, missing on sleep, nagging people to learn their lines, setting props, learning cues, recording blocking, and otherwise working my ass off?

Bet your ass.

At 8pm (Utah time) tonight, I'll think of them all gathering, handing out scripts, introducing the newbies, shaking off the dust since the last show. That perfect little black box, waiting for the magical transformation that will occur over the next month and a half.

Damn.

On a lighter note, my mom has offered to buy me a set of walking sticks with a flask in the handle of one, if I decide to stay in Utah. More on that next time.

Bring it On!

My tuition is paid, my books are purchased, I have two new pairs of (CUTE) glasses, my stage managing bag has been cleared of its theatre paraphenalia and is ready for collegiate accoutrement.

Here I am in my cutest new glasses. That's also a glimpse of my bedroom behind me. Many books, as you can see.

Classes start in just over a week and I am STOKED! I'm going to kick ass at this.

And the best part? (In my weird little twisted mind anyway.) I finally get to read The Odyssey and The Iliad.

I know. I'll just get "Geek" tattooed on my forehead now and save us all the time.

And a little side tangent... My Auntie and her hubby are stage managing Banshee's next show. It makes me feel slightly better about the fact that I buggered off and left them without an SM. Slightly better. I know they'll make me proud.

How is it...

... that mother's always know exactly the right thing to say?

Here's the e-mail my dear Mummy sent me in response to my last post.

One of my favorite quotes suggests that "we don't find ourselves, we create ourselves"

While Kati Trottier is magical and elusive, she is not some mythical being who can fade into the forest never to be seen again. No Precious, She was forged in the fires of LA as they were stoked by a parade of roommates, a wild boy, a divorce, crazy folk with bad teeth, inappropriate theater trolls with evil ladders, fine elves with theatrical inclinations and high expectations, a gay republican nut case, and keepers of outer space monsters.

She was made strong on wine laced cooking and food from friendly pubs. She is made strong of flesh and blood, muscle and bone. Her intellect is keen and her instincts are excellent. No Precious, She will not be diminished by mere geography or altitude. She is heading north with her familiar, the tender Brigid. Together, they will rise to new levels of creativity. They will master skills that will allow them to wander wherever they wish.

Blessed Be! They are heading in our direction. Prepare the wine and start the music.

Therapy and a Friday Quote

“If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.”

This quote says it all for me right now.

I'm leaving LA, my apartment, my friends, and everything that's been my heart and soul for the past five years.

It hurts a hell of a lot more than I thought it would. And I thought it would hurt like a son of a bitch.

I know this will be good for me, but it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

I found myself here and I'm terrified that when I leave, I'll lose myself again.

I feel better now. Thanks.

A Sick Joke

So, my period starts on Friday the 13th.

Is that supposed to be funny?

I hate you all.

Endless Summer

Spring has definitely sprung here in the City of Angels. (Crap. What do you mean it's almost June?!) What does that mean? Well, the jacaranda trees are blooming purple, the mock orange trees are exuding their musk, and the jasmine is making the nights fragrant.

It also means that it's getting very close to time for our company picnic, which is at Magic Mountain! The last time I was there I was 17 and I went on the Viper about 5 times in a row. I'm completely stoked, to say the least. The fact that it's free makes it even better! (Maybe I'll get my picture taken with Wakko this time.)

My cousin Amanda is getting married in a week to a very sweet guy who thinks the world of her. We knew they were destined for each other when he bought her Mickey Mouse Croc's for Valentine's Day. Now that's true love.

We've postponed the Banshee show for this summer, so I find myself with an appalling amount of time on my hands. Time to go to the gym or jog around the neighborhood and get rid of my pudgy belly. (Read with a Scottish brogue.) Maybe I'll finish the two cross-stitching projects that I've had in the works for years.

We're having a reading on Monday night for another prospective show for Banshee's upcoming season. One of the critics who loves us best, suggested we give Macbeth a go. (We'll see how many Blackadder jokes come out during the evening. "Hot potato, off with her drawers, Puck will make amends!") I'm hoping not very many women come, so I can read one of the witches. "Something wicked this way comes."

Recently, I found out that one of my favorite books The Killer Angels (read it yet, Ang?) has had a stage adaptation done of it. Needless to say, I got my anxiouus little hands on it in short order and read it immediately. Hopefully, the Banshee's will like it as much as I have.