To Boldly Go... Where?

Recently, I ordered some Star Trek DVD's on Amazon. (Voyager, if you must know. After all, the captain's name is Kathryn.) I bought them used, since they're so freaking expensive (Thanks, Paramount!). When they arrived, the packing slip was in Chinese. Fine by me, as long as I can read the menus on the DVD's. Here comes the hitch, you can read the menus, but you can't turn the Closed Captions off. They're either in English or Chinese.

If I watch something with Closed Captions, I read the captions and forget about watching the movie or whatever. I've left them in Chinese, because that way I can at least ignore them. Slightly irritating, but not insurmountable.

The most amusing part however is the packaging. I'm not talking about the hugely cheesy plastic envelopes INSIDE the normal looking case. I'm talking about the writing on the back of the box. The titles of the episode are randomly capitalized and randomly incorrect. My personal favorite is the episode "Demon" being spelled "Semon" instead. Spell check, anyone?

But now, I come to the best part of all. The blurb on the back. I'm going to attempt to recreate it exactly as it is. Here goes...

Navigator's number of warship of star headed by first women captain precious Wei, fall into an enormous cavity , is thrown and united 70,000 mere distant place from the star , for solve energy problem, precious Wei captain lead team member go rascal celestial body survey energy, unexpectedly, Nilles is attacked, the lung is siphoned away fast; Find the celestial body person's corpse of grade a lot of 5 on the globular asteroid; Pursue gram commandant injured attack that energy flow with card tower , navigator number face unidentified energy shed attack, a large amount of energy run off, unidentified other star seize the opportunity , slip into airship, team member supervise unprecedented challenge ....

If I were a die-hard Trekkie, I'd probably be pissed off. As it is, I just think it's fUnmy.

Friday Quotes!

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"I was destined for this vantage point
Which is so far from the Sea
I've lived it in the pages of Saint-Exupery

From Paris to Tunisia
Casablanca to Dakar
I was riding long before I flew
Through the wind and sand and stars."
-Jimmy Buffett, Far Side of the World

Friday Quote!

"There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few that will catch your heart. Pursue those."
- Unknown

Does that count as a Valentine?

When I got to rehearsal last night, I met Robyn and we walked down the street to Porto's (a cuban deli/bakery. I love LA!) for a treat. She'd been at the dentist for two and a half hours and needed a pick-me-up.

As we walked, we came closer to a woman (I think) who was hobbling along in front of us. "She" was wearing a platinum wig (possibly), hauling a gigantic wheeled suitcase, sporting a bandaged foot, and waving a cane. And cackling to herself under her breath. She crossed the street in front of us and passed a car that was idling at the stop sign. For some reason, she started laughing hysterically at the driver. As we passed the car, we could see the driver snickering to himself and he leaned out the window and wished us a "Happy Valentine's Day."

As we gave "her" a wide berth to pass her, we heard, "Are you two lesbians? Cause you look like lesbians.... Ew!" And then, swear to God, she shrieked.

Now Robyn and I have figured that people think this about us frequently. Especially when I wear my black leather biker jacket. We usually think it's amusing, and we did last night too, but only after it had a bit to sink in. It was the crowning jewel on our Valentine's Day. I have to say, Robyn is awesome, but she's not Velntine material. For some nice guy out there, perhaps, but not for me.

Thank God Valentine's Day is over for another year.

Holiday or the Sixth Circle of Hell?

I intensely dislike Valentine's Day. Perhaps because I've never been lucky enough to have one ON Valentine's Day... Perhaps because I think it's an asinine contrivance of the greeting card and chocolate companies. Perhaps because it's another pagan holiday that has been twisted into something hardly recognizable. Whatever the reason, for me it's where hell and holidays collide. (That's what my Valentine for Robyn said anyway.)

It helps that it's my dear sweet mummy's birthday, so at least I always had someone to have dinner with. I'm trying not to be too bitter today, but I'm failing rather miserably. I asked the cat to be my Valentine this morning and he just tried to wash his nether regions. Not exactly what I was hoping for, in more ways than one.

I'm thrilled that I have rehearsal tonight. It'll serve nicely as a distraction. Maybe the men of Banshee can be my collective Valentine.

XOXO

'Til Spontaneous Combustion Do We Part

My dear Auntie is getting married. I'm supremely excited for her. She's marrying one of the best men I know and they're completely gone over each other.

The only thing that concerns me is her choice of friends. They're pretty questionable. I mean she herself is an atheist. As is the man performing the ceremony. The groom comes from a pretty devout family, but the last time they were forced into going to church with his family, he spent it pointing out the dirtier passages in the Bible. And then there's that certain bride's maid. The one with the red hair and the bizarre sense of humor. She's a wiccan! And the bride's sister? The red head's mother? Her too!

Someone's going to need to stand close to the altar with a fire extinguisher for when we all burst into flames.

Hopefully we won't competely terrorize the groom's family or the remnants of the bride's that are still so proud of their faith. We'll just keep the wiccan thing quiet...

*Please recognize the tongue in cheek of this post. I dearly love my atheist, Buddhist, Daoist, wiccan, Christian friends. The variety makes life interesting and I certainly mean no offense to any of them.

Monday Quote

"The sea is dangerous and its storms terrible, but these obstacles have never been sufficient reason to remain ashore... unlike the mediocre, intrepid spirits seek victory over those things that seem impossible... it is with an iron will that they embark on the most daring of all endeavors... to meet the shadowy future without fear and conquer the unknown."
-Ferdinand Magellan

"You know, if you don't want to run again, I respect that. But if you don't run because you think it's gonna be too hard or you think you're gonna lose, well, God, Jed, I don't even want to know you."
-The West Wing, "Two Cathedrals"

"Don't give in, don't give up, but give thanks for the glorious fight."
-The Scarlet Pimpernel

"Iaith" is Language in Welsh

So, now that we're "off book" for Henry, I get a new job. During rehearsal, I follow along in my script and when one of the actors can't remember what comes next, they say, "Line" and I give the next bit to them.

That's all well and good, but part of Henry takes place in Wales in the home of Owen Glendower and his daughter, Lady Mortimer. At the moment, Glendower is my favorite character in the play. He keeps talking about how the earth moved when he was born and how he can "call spirits from the vasty deep." He's hysterical. Anyway, back to my story. Lady M is being played by my roommate Robyn and the whole joke is that her character speaks no English and her husband, Lord Mortimer speaks no Welsh. Glendower is constantly translating for them.

Well, at one point last week, my friend John, who's playing Glendower, was trying to remember the line, "Rhaid i ti aros a chanlyn gyde mi." So, of course, he called for the line. Well, he and Robyn have been learning Welsh. They even went to a Welsh church service! Robyn even gets to SING in Welsh. But me, I don't speak Welsh. Robyn had told me before that rehearsal that she might have to call for a line and I should read it as best I could and she'd know what I was getting at. So, when John called for it, I attempted to give it to him. I butchered it all the way to hell and back and prompted quite a bit of laughter from all of the cast and the director. Sean said it was the best line prompt he'd ever heard. John applauded me for giving it a try.

Maybe you had to be there, but it's definitely a story to be added to the theatre annals.

Drunk as a Rule

Five of my good friends have formed a band. That's right. An uproarious, foot-stomping, hand-clapping "five guys shouting" band. They call themselves Slugger O'Toole (who was "drunk as a rule") and their first gig was this past Saturday night. They kicked ass!

They formed last September, just as a whim to help Theatre Banshee with our fundraiser. Then, they were called "The Dedications," for obvious reasons. Well, the boys enjoyed themselves SO much, they thought they'd give it a real shot.

If you happen to be in the LA area for St Patrick's Day, they're headlining at O'Brien's pub in Santa Monica! 9pm, be there or be square. (For nothing less then these guys would I go anywhere near Santa Monica, especially on St. Patrick's Day!) As president of the Slugger O'Toole fan club, I will certainly be there.

Soon, they'll have a MySpace page. I'll post a link when it's up and running. For now, check out a couple of my pictures from the concert on Saturday!

A Friday Quote for Ang

I read your Return of the King post, Ang, and wanted you to know you're not the only geek out there. This is for you!

"Then a great beauty was revealed in him, so that all who after came there looked on him in wonder; for they saw that the grace of his youth, and the valour of his manhood, and the wisdom and majesty of his age were blended together. And long there he lay, an image of the splendour of the Kings of Men in glory undimmed before the breaking of the world."
-The Return of the King, Appendix A by John Ronald Ruell Tolkien

It's talking about Aragorn instead of Legolas, but whatever. :)

"I profess not talking."

Last night was one of my least-favorite stage managing rehearsals. It was the Off Book Day. For those who are unfamiliar with the term, it's the day when you have to put down your script and had damn well better have memorized your lines. (Or risk pissing off the stage manager, who can make your life a living hell for the next few months. I'm just saying.) It involves much stopping and swearing and pausing and general frustration. We've reached the point where not much else can be done until people know the words. There are a couple of things that are making it harder this time around, though.

First, it's Shakespeare, so there's a hell of a lot of words.

Second, one of our actor's got a paying gig and had to excuse himself. Good for him, but grr all the same.

Third, he was playing Falstaff. (One of the biggest and most important roles in the play.) Not a role that you can re-cast from any dude who wanders in off the street.

Fortunately, one of our co

mpany actors cut his vacation short and has saved the day. (Thanks, Barry!)

My friend Josie gave me
the last part of my birthday/Christmas present last weekend. It's a shirt with a medieval crest on it and says, "Going Medieval on You." I wore it yesterday (See photo at left.) as warning to my actors of what would happen if they don't learn their lines. I've found threats to be very useful in the past. We'll see how it fares this time.

*The quote "I profess not talking." is from Henry IV, Part 1, naturally.