Since My Baby Left Me...

A Sky Mall catalogue arrived in the mail a few days ago. Why? I think I bought something from them, once upon a time. And on the cover was this picture...

I don't even know where to begin. First of all, CREEPY! Second of all... CREEPY! Doesn't it look like something that would eat you in your sleep? Eerie music fills the room as you open your eyes, to find it sitting on your chest, opening it's jaws and coming after your eyeballs.

Here's what they say about the "Alive Elvis Animatronic Robot." Notes in parentheses and italics are mine.

"Alive Elvis" is a lifelike and life-size bust of Elvis Presley. State-of-the-art technologies--multiple infrared vision sensors, stereo speakers, 10 precision motors with motion-capture facial animations, and 21st century materials--have been used by Wowwee to lovingly craft a robot that looks, feels (I'm sorry, WHAT?), sounds and moves like a real person (Shudder). Wowwee Alive Elvis is the first high-quality animatronic robot of any superstar ever designed for a fan's home or office.

The IR wireless remote control looks like the glittering microphone Elvis held in his '68 Comeback Special (Ha ha ha!). Experience "The King" in four modes: Press "Alive" and Elvis comes to life--checking you out and talking you up (Aaaaaaggghhh!!!); select "Monologue" and he'll share moments from his life and times (Ick.); pick "Song" to hear him sing eight of his biggest hits; or choose "Sing Along" to duet with Elvis, karaoke style (after jacking in your own microphone). What's more, you can plug in your iPod or other audio source to enjoy your own music in sync with Elvis. (Dude, you mean I can make him sing Broadway showtunes? Like, I don't know, "Memory" from Cats? SWEET!)

I can't imagine anyone who's sane paying $299.95 for this scary-ass piece of technology, but then I'm not an Elvis fan. Peanut butter and banana sandwich anyone?