Three Stories

Today, we're having a flashback to 1997. Or was it '96? Anyway, it was highschool. In my youth, I was in our school's Concert Choir. Every year, we went on tour to compete. The year of our story, we ventured to Southern California.

Now, we have months leading up to our competition. We worked our asses off. Well, since we were in Utah, we worked our behinds off. We had an AMAZING teacher named Mrs. Moulton. She taught in the two middle schools that fed into our highschool too. By the time I graduated, I'd had her for six years. This makes for a really good choir. Most of the time, she was a very cool person. Funny, fairly easy-going, and the like. But the week before a concert, was known as "Bitch Week." She drove and pushed us. Yelled, threatened to throw her keys, had us sing in the dark, etc. But it ALWAYS worked. We had a pretty small choir compared to a few of the others in the area, but we kicked-ass consistently. Therefore, we put up with "Bitch Week."

So after we were done competing, we were exhilerated and a little punchy. OK, we were REALLY punchy! We got to go to Sea World on this particular trip and all of these high schools were the only people there! So, imagine a whole bunch of teenagers, high on adrenaline, running around Sea World... Scary, huh? We had a couple of guys in our choir who started us on a rousing rendition of "The Scotsman." Those of you who already know the song are shaking your heads now, just thinking about it. (Amazing that such devout Mormon children knew this song!) For those of you not familiar with it... here are the lyrics.

Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how we walked that he drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

About that time two young and lovely girls just happend by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold, for them to view, beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

They marveled for a moment, then one said, "We must be gone.
Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along."
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star, the Scotsman's kilt did lift and show
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Around the bonnie star, the Scotsman's kilt did lift and show

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree
Behind a bush, he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes.
"O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize."
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
"O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize."

- Mike Cross

Awesome! I love that song!

We saw the seal show that night too. There was a whole (stupid) plot line, a man, a woman, and some seals. At one point, the man is supposed to scream, the woman's supposed to scream, and (I assume) the seal's supposed to scream. Only before the seal could get his word in... I screamed. Yup, you read it. I stole the seal's thunder. The guy looked at me and said, "Hey, kid, you want a fish?" I have to say, it was completely involuntary! It wasn't as if I sat there and thought, "Hmm, I'm gonna screw up their show!" The idea of that now that I'm a stage manager is horrifying! What kind of moronic dumb-ass would do that?! At the time, it just came out and I was just as surprised as everyone around me.

On another trip, I think, or maybe it was the same one... Anyway, we were at a shopping mall and there was a rather terrifying (being a 15 year old from Utah) group of punk-rocker, goth types hanging out. My friends and I were, once again, punchy as hell and I was laughing. No, you don't understand. I have this EXTREMELY high-pitched, loud, evil, laugh from hell that I put on every once in a while when I was feeling particularly frisky. One of the punk dudes looked at me and said, "Hey, man, can you laugh like the Crypt Keeper?"

At first, I was too freakin' intimidated to say anything, but then something clicked and I said, "Can you laugh like the Crypt Keeper?"

And he did.