Feathers, Feathers Everywhere!

So, I thought getting fake tar off the stage was a pain in the ass.

Add feathers to the mix? Sweet Jesus.

As soon as I'd thought I'd gotten all the tar last night, I'd try to pick up a wad of feathers and find a squishy puddle of tar underneath.

I tried sweeping them, but I believe a shopvac to hoover them all up is a stroke of genius. The loose ones anyway.

Of course, I can bitch and moan about the tar and the barf and the blood and the pee all I want, but Lisa is the one who has to drive home every night with tar and feathers oozing down her neck.

I told her I thought we should both get combat pay for this show. She actually apologized for dripping tar on the floor... She's so sweet.

One more dress rehearsal, one preview tomorrow, and then we'll be open and I'll only have to mop it up three nights a week instead of every night.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to put a call into Bissell.

Wednesday Quote

"O for a Muse of fire, that would ascend
The brightest heaven of invention,
A kingdom for a stage, princes to act
And monarchs to behold the swelling scene!
Then should the warlike Harry, like himself,
Assume the port of Mars; and at his heels,
Leash'd in like hounds, should famine, sword and fire
Crouch for employment.
But pardon, and gentles all,
The flat unraised spirits that have dared
On this unworthy scaffold to bring forth
So great an object: can this cockpit hold
The vasty fields of France? or may we cram
Within this wooden O the very casques
That did affright the air at Agincourt?
O, pardon! since a crooked figure may
Attest in little place a million;
And let us, ciphers to this great accompt,
On your imaginary forces work.
Suppose within the girdle of these walls
Are now confined two mighty monarchies,
Whose high upreared and abutting fronts
The perilous narrow ocean parts asunder:
Piece out our imperfections with your thoughts;
Into a thousand parts divide on man,
And make imaginary puissance;
Think when we talk of horses, that you see them
Printing their proud hoofs i' the receiving earth;
For 'tis your thoughts that now must deck our kings,
Carry them here and there; jumping o'er times,
Turning the accomplishment of many years
Into an hour-glass: for the which supply,
Admit me Chorus to this history;
Who prologue-like your humble patience pray,
Gently to hear, kindly to judge, our play."
-Henry V

Incredulity

I'm sorry. Are you really asking me to believe that load of crap? Because I happen to think that you're full of it and don't warrant my attention any longer.

I also think I need to pluck my eyebrows.

Technicalities

I lay in bed last night with cues frolicking in my head. We had our tech rehearsal yesterday for Loyal Women, so now there are lights and sound. When I first read it, I thought to myself what a breeze it would be to run. Dude, was I wrong!

Well to a certain extent. It’s just different than what I’ve become accustomed to. Usually, a cue falls on a certain line. A slow fade from full stage to focus on a certain person, something like that. Well, since this play all takes place in an apartment and is pretty realistic, they’re almost entirely visual. Like, someone flipping on a lamp or turning on the TV. It means they have to be very precise, or it looks really stupid.

“Stair light on, room light out as Brenda goes up the stairs, Pause. Stair lights out.”

That’s what I fell asleep to. That and, “Fade volume, pause, skip to next track, volume back up, switch speaker, PLAY.”

That would be the Pain in the Ass Cue. There’s always one. If you’re lucky, there are many. This one comes at the beginning of scene two, if you want to know, and I have to switch between the scene change music (“Joy to the World”) and the audio of the television AS FAST AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. Although, Sean did offer to meld them into one cue if need be. I was pretty good at it yesterday and will only get faster at it. As tricky cues go, though, this one’s pretty tame.

Remember that cue from Eclipsed? That one was brutal.

A little insight into the technical side of stage managing. And the artistic side? That’s where I get to feel out the perfect timing to fade the lights at the end of a scene, or how slowly to fade the music at the beginning. This is the part that I love most.

Read throughs? A snore. Blocking? Demonic. Line Notes? Sixth Circle of Hell. Dress rehearsals? Getting to the good stuff, finally. Opening? Too stressful, but fun for the partying afterwards. I like the part when I can run the show in my sleep and actually watch the dynamics of what’s playing out in front of me. When I can enjoy the tiny differences between performances. The way different audiences affect what’s happening in front of them. That’s the part that rocks and makes it all worth it.

Here's to number 11!

"The Whisperer in Darkness" Teaser!

Now, you can see the teaser that I helped film a few weeks ago for the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society! Check it out!



You can read my post about filming it here!

Notice how nice the rain falls? And how well the globe turns? And the lightning? The lightning is perfection!

Random Friday

Did you know that the word "bored" first appeared in Charles Dickens' Bleak House? The phrase "to be a bore" had been used before, but never "bored."

That part in Bleak House when the dude spontaneously combusted from drinking too much gin...? That was a trip. I'm just sayin'.

We had our first experiment with fake tar at rehearsal of Loyal Women last night. I have mentioned that someone gets tarred and feathered at the end of this play, right? OK, just checking. I'm sure Lisa is rueing the day that she accepted this damn role.

Our chemists here at Theatre Banshee made this absolutely evil concoction that looks freakishly like real tar, even if it doesn't smell like it. One of the ingredients is Hershey's syrup. Telling more would put my life in peril.

We dumped it on Lisa's head, finished the last scene and opened the door on the set to find her standing in a puddle of black, viscous goo half sobbing and half laughing. It's going to scare the bejeezus out of the audience, I can tell you that right now. And we don't even have feathers or lights or a finished set yet.

Cleaning it up is going to be a bitch. Do I get combat pay if I get fake tar on my kick-ass peacock blue halter dress?

I still find that I'm not overly comfortable with this play. I've gotten to the point where I can watch it without wanting to vomit, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the idea of putting an audience through this emotional turmoil three nights a week. I feel like I should warn them beforehand.

BEWARE!!! This isn't a piece of fluff! Put on your armor, gird your loins and watch out for flying Christmas ornaments!

Hopefully we won't permanently damage anyone's psyche...

We open in a week! Hooray for tech rehearsal!

A Paradigm Shift

So, with my entire family here last weekend, I came to a realization. Someone would ask me how my job was and the best answer I came up with was a groan and to roll my eyes. Not a good thing.

My mom always told me I should find something I'd be willing to do for free and the paycheck would just be a bonus. A good goal, sure, but a little hard to actually find.

So, I've been brainstorming and e-mailing every one I've ever met and all of their friends. I've gotten some good feedback so far, I've updated my resume, have even sent it out to a couple of companies, and even have a temp agency that's more than willing to take me on while I'm waiting for my dream job to open up.

What makes me thrilled to get out of bed in the morning?

Well, my friend Dan works for the Center Theatre Group in downtown LA. They run the Ahmanson, the Mark Taper Forum and the Kirk Douglas theatre. He says they might have something opening up pretty soon and that would be ideal. Getting paid to work for people who create and nourish theatre would be very rewarding.

I wonder if they need a stage manager...

A Kirk, a Cape, and a Wedding

So, it's done! They're married! There's too much to tell all in one post, so I'll stick with the highlights.

The church was called the Wee Kirk O' the Heather, the officiant (Sean) was wearing a cape that was actually an inside out skirt, Andrew wore a superhero mask for his reading of Kahlil Gibran, the bagpiping gave me the shivers, both of the moms ended up wearing royal blue with no consultation beforehand, I stayed at the reception until 1am and tweaked my neck from dancing so much, my daddy danced with me, the food, Susan singing "Can You Read My Mind" and Brian with his Superman t-shirt, Josh telling me that now I have to call him "Uncle Josh," and how awesome all the bridesmaids looked in their hot black cocktail dresses. All in all, a pretty damn good weekend. (We'll ignore the car trouble that plagued everybody on Sunday.)

Susan sang this for the ceremony itself.

"Right as the rain
That falls from above
So real, so right is our love
It came like the spring
That breaks through the snow
I can't say what it may bring
I only know...
I only know...
It's right to believe
Whatever gave your eyes this glow
Whatever gave my heart this song
Can't be wrongIt's right as the rain
That falls from above
And fills the world
With the blue of our love
As rain must fall
And day must dawn
This love...
This love...
Must go on."

You Don't See This in L.A.

My dear mummy (who will be here tomorrow, by the way!) sent me these yesterday. (Thanks to her friend Dawn who took them...)

They made me feel nostalgic and a bit homesick. The leaves don't really change in L.A. Not like this anyway. And if they do change at all, it isn't until February.

I remember all the times I had to go trick-or-treating with a big-ass coat over my costume. Cleopatra in her parka wasn't quite the image I was hoping for.


And these? This is what mountains should look like. They call what we have in L.A. "mountains," but they're ever so wrong. Those are "hills." I believe these shots were taken in Sardine canyon, just outside of my home town. Now, none of these mountains can compare to Ben Lomond. Ben, as we affectionately call him, rests to the north of my home town and keeps an eye on us all. He looks ever so handsome when it snows on him. He was always the view out of my bedroom window growing up and he still brings me a sense of peace when I go home.

I'll have to take a picture of him, the next time I'm there. Or maybe I can ask mum to take one for me.

So, here's to leaf-peeping and Ben Lomond.

An Electric Performance

Monday night during rehearsal, there was a disturbance in the Force.

My auntie was on stage, acting her heart out and all of a sudden, there was a weird humming, the lights went all wonky, and you could feel the electricity in the air. It lasted for less than ten seconds and everything returned to normal.

Apparently, there was a white light in the lobby, a blue light coming under the door, and a whole cast of freaked out people.

Barry said it was caused by a mylar balloon caught in the powerlines outside. I said it was aliens coming to take us back to the mother ship.

Whatever it was, I'd like for it to never happen again.

Briefly Descending From Themyscira

My fellow Amazons and I threw a bridal shower bash for my auntie this past weekend. She and twenty of her best chiquita friends descended from Themyscira for a Wonder Woman inspired afternoon tea.

Yes, it's a little off-kilter to have a Wonder Woman tea party for a woman who's in her early forties, but we're off-kilter babes.

With our pots of Earl Grey and Constant Comment, our lemon poppyseed scones, our goat cheese and watercress sandwiches, and our best party dresses, we were a house of estrogen. Melissa even invented a new cocktail in honor of the occasion. The "Blushing Bride" was a glass of champagne with a dash of rose essence and exceedingly tasty.

The blushing bride, herself, received a whole slew of cool gifts. Including a panty/camisole set that look like Wonder Woman's outfit. And some Super Girl Underoos. Really.

I'd show you a picture of the bouquet that Josie made out of all the ribbon and a paper plate, but I left my camera's memory card at work. Had the camera, but no card. (Did you guys know that you're not supposed to cut the ribbons off the packages at a bridal shower? Apparently, it "severs the marriage." Who comes up with this stuff?!)

I promise not to forget my camera card on Friday for the pre-wedding dinner or on Saturday for the festivities themselves. Of course, the four people who read this blog will actually be there and see everything for themselves. :)

*Note to all the people who aren't geeks out there: Themyscira is the island where all the Amazons live and that Wonder Woman came from.

Temptation, Thy Name is Cable!

Recently, Ali and I were lamenting over our crap TV connection, lack of DSL, and the uselessness of our landline. (Not to self: Call AT&T and cancel the landline.) Now, we have entered the twentieth century (God only knows how long it will take is to enter the twenty-first) and got cable and DSL together.

Now, I have only enjoyed cable for the brief year and a half that I lived with my beloved auntie. Other than that, I've NEVER had cable. I've had six channels and movies and been, mostly, happy about it.

But now that I have gillions of channels at my beck and call... the crap I find myself watching is astounding. Although, a Saturday of watching cooking shows on the Food Network was lovely. And I was FINALLY able to watch The Daily Show and The Colbert Report on MY OWN TV!!!

The fact that I got sucked into watching The Fugitive, Dirty Dancing and Rent all in one weekend is a little embarassing, but not as embarassing as the amount of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith that I watched in spanish last week. (Sorry, Mr. Lucas, but it's better that way.)

I'm still trying to determine what channel MTV is on, so I can watch Jackass.

What's happening to me?!

Friday Quote!

"We have a saying: If you go to Atlanta, the first question people ask you is, 'What's your business?' In Macon they ask, 'Where do you go to church?' In Augusta they ask your grandmother's maiden name. But in Savannah the first question people ask you is 'What would you like to drink?'"
-Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

A randomly chosen quote from my collection. Have a good weekend!

Wedding Shoes

These are my shoes for my auntie's wedding. I wore them for a day to break them in. How many blisters did I end up with? None. They passed the test with flying colors!

Ignore the hideous power strip that lives under my desk. :)

And imagine a better pedicure. With bright red toenails, of course, to go with my black halter dress. As my friend Josie would say, "Rowr!"

Saturday Morning Tea

I was preparing my Saturday-morning, thank-God-I-got-to-sleep-in tea this past Saturday and I turned around from putting my bread in the toaster oven. I found the sun shining through my kitchen window onto my sugar bowl, (organic sugar from Trader Joe's). The way the light caught the handle of the spoon, the play of the shadows across the counter, caught my eye as few other things can after that much sleep.

The Meeting of the Clans

As I mentioned a while back, my dear auntie is getting married soon. In fact, two weeks from this past Saturday. What am I most excited about? The tasty food, the drinking, the joining of two people I adore? Well, yeah... those things too, but I'm most excited about the meeting of my two worlds.

My Utah half has the familia. My Angeleno half has my auntie and Theatre Banshee. They've always been kept apart. Not by choice, but by chance. Occasionally, my parents or grandparents will come to visit, but with the impending nuptials comes my entire family. Aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, and grandparents - all of them. And virtually all of my theatre company will be there too.Even better is that the reception is at the theatre! Everyone I love most in the universe will be under the roof of the building I love most in the universe.

I'm afraid my heart might explode at the idea of having them all together, let alone the actual event itself. It might only be for two days, but for a brief, shining moment, I'll have the best of both worlds all in one room.

Friday Quote!

"If I were a brave man, a bold man, a knight sure in the saddle, I would pursue you through the deepest penumbra of the palace of the Louvre, until you yielded to my vehement advance - which is a thought so abject, not to say treasonable, that I think on it only once or twice per diem."
-Power

Loyal Woman? You bet I am!

What's new with Theatre Banshee, Kati? We want to hear all about your latest and greatest stage managing exploits!

Well, OK.

We're in our second week of rehearsal for a play called Loyal Women by Gary Mitchell. It's about a woman living in Belfast and her local branch of the UDA (which is the opposite of the IRA). Brenda's trying to get out of the UDA, but the current leader is retiring and wants Brenda to take her place. She's living with her soon-to-be-ex-husband's mother, her teenage daughter and her infant grandaughter. Dear old mother-in-law is bedridden and not always coherent. Dear daughter is a typical teenage mother and has no desire to take care of her baby. Brenda's husband has recently gotten out of jail after a sixteen year sentence for murdering a man, but it turns out that mom was the murderer and hubby took the fall to protect the daughter. AW! And it's Christmas.

There are definitely some funny parts in this play, but all in all, it's not very happy. There are a number of scuffles on stage, including two women beating the crap out of each other. And at the end, in a blissful expression of the joy of family and holiday, they tar and feather a woman.

Good times.

The first time I read this play, I had this gut-deep visceral aversion to it and wasn't sure I'd be able to finish reading it at all. I determined that living in this world for six weeks of rehearsal and six weeks of shows would be tantamount to torture. I expressed my opinions at our company meeting and told my comrades that if it was chosen, I WOULD NOT stage manage it. I was very emphatic and shocked a number of people. My mom was so proud.

So, how long did I last? Did it take them years and years of cojoling and bribing to turn me around? Pssh, how little you know them.

It took them eight days. Yeah, I'm that strong. Eight freakin' days. My auntie pleaded and tried to use the concept of "blood" to talk me into it. I was still determined to hold out against her. So, what did it? Sean, our director, cornered me and asked what it would take to get me to do it. I thought, "Damn it!" I knew that if he asked, I was a goner. He also told me that he had the same reaction I did, when he first read it, and that he was going to do his best to bring out the twisted humor of it and make it a more enjoyable experience. It's a good thing I trust him as much as I do.

I thought about it thoroughly before I caved, though. I wanted to make damn sure that I really was happy with my decision. I remembered that I'd wanted to take a break for Power, but changed my mind on that one too. And I was SO happy to be involved in it. I also came up with a plan to make sure the craziness of Loyal Women didn't drag me down with it.

My apartment has been spotlessly clean for about a month and I can't even begin to tell you how it feels to come home to such a pleasant environment. I've been doing my best to only eat tasty stuff that's really good for me too. And lots of happy food, like salmon. (Thank God for Trader Joe's!) I've been working out with my Auntie. (Good for the body and the spirit.)

And I realized why it effected me so profoundly. When I read a story, I get sucked into it- hook, line, and sinker. I become the characters, I fall in love with them, I live the story, I feel the world. When it's something like, I don't know, Harry Potter or The DaVinci Code, that's one thing. When someone is TARRED AND FEATHERED?!?! I'm going to take that pretty hard. So, every time we get to that part, I just have to step back from it momentarily and remind myself that it's illusion.

I'm also working with a brilliant and loving bunch, who are well aware of the effect it's having on them too. We keep checking in with each other, making sure everyone's coping. It'll be hard work, but I'm sure well worth it. From what I've seen already, we've got something amazing on our hands here.

*A little tangent*: Banshee has finally gotten a nomination for an Ovation Award! It's taken us 12 years, but Matt Foyer was nominated for his role as Nicholas Fouquet in Power! You rock, Matty!

Mr. Pullman Has Me in His Power

So, I've been reading The Golden Compass, at the urging of my dear Auntie and I find myself fascinated. I've read so many books over the years, it takes quite a bit to catch my eye. This has done it, though.

Imagine a world with armored polar bears, a mysterious particle known as Dust, a consul of witches, and a little girl completely unaware of her own important destiny. I'm ensorcelled. One of the coolest things about this world, is that a person goes everywhere with an outward manifestation of their soul. Something called a daemon. It's always of the opposite sex, can only get so far from you, and constantly changes forms when you're a child. Once you cross into adulthood, it settles into one form that echoes your personality.

In my exploration of the website today, I found my daemon. At first, I was slightly offended at the idea, but the more I think on it, the more I like it.

Byakhee and Mi-Goh and Shoggoths, Oh My!

This past Saturday was meant to be a day of laundry and cleaning. As my one real day off during the week, I had it all set to take care of all the little things that had been piling up since the previous Saturday. Did that happen? No. Why not, you ask? Because my boys needed help.

My dear friends Sean and Andrew are the founders of the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society. H.P. Who? H.P. Lovecraft was a novelist during the 1920's. He wrote horror stories with strange mythical beasts, most of whom are trying to enslave humankind forever.

A few years ago, they made an award-winning movie called The Call of Cthulhu. Cthulhu being a creature that's half octopus, half ape. And there are wings in there too, just for good measure. Well, the boys have started filming the teaser for their next venture, a film based on the short story "The Whisperer in Darkness." Good title, right? They're trying to have it ready for the H.P. Lovecraft film festival which is held in Portland every October.

So, I spent the day "gripping," which is a fancy term for doing whatever needs to be done. I taped tin foil over the windows to black out the light, I went to get lunch from El Pollo Loco, I turned n the "rain" on and off, flickered lights to emulate lightning, and mopped up the "rain" when it leaked all over the floor. I meant to be there for a few hours, but finally went home at 11:30pm, after a 14 hour day. Only for these guys would I sacrifice my Saturday.

And boy were they glad to see me. They really needed an extra set of hands.

So, keep an eye out for their new trailer and hoardes of malevolent Byakhee. I have to go do my laundry.

A New Title

I'm now officially known as the "strange manager" instead of the "stage manager," due to a typing brain-fart in an e-mail.

I actually kind of like it.

Fact: Clowns Eat People

I hate clowns. No, I mean I HATE clowns.

I think it might go back to that trip to the haunted house when I was 13. My "friends" had talked me into it and I was less than thrilled at the prospect of paying someone to scare the crap out of me. Anyway, there was a clown inside this haunted house. He was a big dude. Although, considering how small I was when I was 13, he may have been a munchkin, but he looked enormous to me. He had a baseball bat and was slamming it into the floor right next to my feet. I was trying to act non-chalant and not scared and failing miserably. (There was also a guy with a big-ass snake around his neck. Perhaps all of my phobias sprout from that one night...)

Then, again maybe my hatred of clowns comes from "The Cupcake Incident." That was in elementary and it was someone's birthday. There were clown cupcakes that had twice as much lard frosting as they did cake. I thought to myself, in my youthful naivete, "Forget the cake! Eat ALL the frosting!" And I did. And suffered the consequences an hour later.

I was thinking of clowns last night because there's a play that has rented out our theatre. Their set is a bar and one of the focal points is a pinball machine. A "fun under the big top" pinball machine. I arrived early for rehearsal (as usual) and was setting up chairs for our read-through. And the clowns on the pinball machine were ogling me, debating whether they should roast me on a spit or fillet me and saute me with garlic.

I mean, look at these clowns! They look like the type, don't they?!

Especially this one!!! With the teeth and the scary eyes.... *Shudder*

I can only imagine how terrifying it would be when it's all lit up and making circus noises. Thank God their show closes this weekend. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go make a molotov cocktail for them and their stupid little car.

I'm a Pretty Open-Minded Girl, but...

...even this is pushing it.

The dude who lives in the apartment below mine (which used to be filled with fairly charming children and their cool parents) has taken to surfing the net for porn first thing in the morning. And Saturday night. (Somebody needs a date.)

My alarm this morning, which is usually peaceful piano music from the soundtrack to Pride & Prejudice, was over-run by a woman moaning and begging for more and a large quantity of bowm-chicka-bowm-bowm music.

Sigh.

I e-mailed the management company today to find out what the proper protocol is for this sort of thing. They suggested a nicely worded letter as the first course of action.

I can think of a couple choice letters and where Mr. Frisky can shove them. I'd be happy to help.

Monday Quote!

"What do you think?"
"Well, I wouldn't argue that it was a no-holds-barred, adrenaline-fueled thrill ride. But, there is no way you can perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork."
-Hot Fuzz

Don't You Hate it When...

... you finish the book you're reading at lunch, have to go run auditions tonight, so you need something to read and, to avoid situations just like this, you keep an emergency back-up stash of books in your desk and...

What do you mean it's just me?

Damn it.

Wednesday Quote

"I've already wasted my whole life. I want to tell you with my last breath that I have always loved you. I would rather be a ghost, drifting by your side as a condemned soul, than enter heaven without you. Because of your love, I will never be a lonely spirit."
-Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

A Panic Attack of Stage Managerial Proportions

I have a plethora of stage managing stories and have heard many, many more. This one takes the cake, I think. It's one that you wouldn't want to have as a nightmare and really wouldn't want to live through. But, I did.

It was a Friday night during Power. There's a man that teaches classes in the space a few times during the week, including Friday morning. He has a "special" light that he turns on himself for the classes. Usually, I'm the first one into the building and have to turn all the lights on. On this particular, fateful day, may auntie had been cleaning so the lights were already on when I got there. I thought nothing of it and went about getting ready for the show.

After the curtain speech, I hit the mouse button to cue the blackout. But, it didn't go to black, because Gene's light was still on! And it was plugged into an outlet DOWN BY THE STAGE!

Somewhere in my head was the idea that it was also somehow plugged in in the booth. So, I start unplugging things. This may have been a good idea, but wasn't. I ended up unplugging my computer that controls the lights. So, by this time, the actors are playing out the first scene in Gene's light and I can't turn on any others for them, because I, as I said, unplugged the computer.

Sigh.

By this time, Leslie has come into the booth to ask me what the hell's going on and I've grumbled out something about Gene's light as I'm furiously plugging things back in.

She says she'll go unplug it, but realizes she can't until my computer has booted back up, because then the actors would be in the pitch dark.

FINALLY, the computer is back up and running and I bring up a light cue for the end of the scene. Do I bring up the right one? Of course not! In my anxiety to get SOME light, ANY light back on, I've brought up the wrong damned cue.

As the scene comes to an end, I kick it over to the proper scene change lights and Leslie rushes down to unplug Gene's special.

And Kati spends the next three hours bringing her breathing back to normal and wiping the sweat stains off of every surface in the booth.

You can bet every penny you own that I checked that light every night after that.

And will until I die. Sheesh.

Would the Children's Television Workshop Approve?

Last weekend, as part of the Labor Day festivities, I went to see some Shakespeare in the park with my favorite cohorts. Every summer at Barnsdall park, they do three shows "in rep," as they call it. This summer it was Richard II, Macbeth and A Midsummer Night's Dream. We saw Midsummer.

Now, I went in with mighty-high expectations! After all, I had seen my auntie YEARS before in a park production of Midsummer. (She had actually performed in the same park!) She had played Puck and was miraculous. I have to say, her costume wasn't nearly as cool as this guy's though.

Let me see if I can describe it accurately. First, he was wearing shorts made of Elmo skin. Then he had bands of Elmo skin around each wrist and each ankle. Black tennis shoes almost finished off the ensemble, but the piece de resistance was the big silver nipple ring in his left nipple. (God, I love L.A.)

At the sight of him (and Oberon in his matching muppet skin cape and black jeans), I thought fleetingly of the wee bottle of pinot grigio that was still in my picnic bag. I soon changed my mind, though. For despite the uber simple set consisting of three walls and two aluminum ladders, and the woman playing Hermia who would have made the perfect spokeswoman for Prozac, I found myself having a fantastic time.

The place was jam-packed as it was their last show and the audience was beside themselves. The best part? It was FREE!!! Can you believe it? They did have buckets out for donations at the end and I dutifully put in my ten bucks, but still anything free in this day and age is pretty impressive.

So, here's to them, for convincing a skeptic and for the skill with which they skinned those muppets.

Awwwwww!

I can't stand how cute this is!

Tasty Peachy Goodness

Now that I have my camera with me, I can show you the gorgeousness that was my contribution to Chick Day!

I found the recipe on Epicurious.com and thought it sounded perfect. After all, this is the exact time of year for fresh peaches.

Peaches and raspberries in spiced white wine. There was also a version for red wine, but I preffered the lightness of the white with the peaches.

And I still made it in my kitchen when it was 105 degrees outside. Insanity.

You can see how good it looks, but I wish you could have smelled it. Something must have happened chemically, because all those good things together smelled even better than you can imagine.

I even ran out of sugar and had to use half brown sugar. Do you think it hurt it? No way! Hell, it may have made it better. And I ended up, completely by mistake, with two different kinds of peaches. Also, probably improved it!

Clever Ideas? Anybody?

So, I'm wanting to post something very clever and witty today. Something that will make you all laugh and fall out of your chairs in mirth.

I would be glad to do that, but I've got nothing. Bupkiss. Nada.

I thought about a post about how freaking hot it's been here, but listening to someone else bitch and maon is never very much fun.

I thought about a Happy Anniversary blog to celebrate our first year in our theatre.

I thought about the night during Power when a light was left on and chaos ensued.

I thought about the merriment of my Labor Day weekend, including the peaches and raspberries with spiced wine that I made for our Girl Day yesterday. (That'll probably come later this week when I have my camera with me. It was a thing of beauty and I took pictures.)

I even thought about the latest Harry Potter book and my many favorite bits.

Nothing's inspiring me, though.

Blah.

You Call This Archaeology?

OK, I found this post through a link on Annejelynn's blog. The post is actually on Fuzzball's blog and made me laugh so hard I think I wet myself a little. Just check it out, please.

Do you think Indiana Jones ever thinks about this stuff when he's ransacking tombs?

Oh, What a Night!

Last Friday, I got to go TO the theatre, instead of going and making it! I have to say, it was pretty damn nice.

I went to see Jersey Boys at the Ahmanson Theatre in downtown LA. I sucked up my, "Ew, downtown!" issues and hopped in my car.

Fearing the Friday evening traffic would be a nightmare, I ended up being an hour and a half early for an 8pm curtain. What are you gonna do?

Fortunately, I had saved my leftover Subway sandwich from lunch and knew the pavilion outside the theatre would be a nice place to hang out for a while and people watch.

My favorite was the dad in his jeans and blazer with his maybe 7 year old daughter in tow. She was in her little black dress, Angeleno black flip-flops and, hand-in-hand with dad, was ready for a night at the theatre. (Miss you, Daddy!)

I ate my spicy Italian sandwich and drank my vitamin water. (No Coke for me!) I called my mommy and inquired after her recently root-canaled tooth. I lamented over the fact that I couldn't find my damned opera glasses. (Stop laughing.) I admired the fountain and tried to figure out the sculpture atop it. Anybody?

I can tell that you're wondering, "Was she all ALONE?!" And the answer is, "Yes!" My friends showed no interest in seeing Jersey Boys, so I told them they could all go to hell and went all by me onesy, savvy?

I finally wandered inside and found my seat. Sweet mother of Everest! You need oxygen masks up here! Now, I was really pissed that I hadn't found my opera glasses. (I said, stop laughing, you bastards!) Fortunately, they were renting them in the lobby. For $5 and my driver's license, I could see the sequins on their tuxedo lapels. Sweet.

A man and his wife came to sit next to me. As he ogled my boobs, he said I needed to get some new friends. He also insisted on singing along all through the show and, can I just say, he did NOT sound like Frankie Valli!

The show itself was miraculous! The audience loved every second of it and I thought they would spontaneously combust after hearing Christopher Kale Jones (Frankie Valli) sing "Can't Take My Eyes Off You." And I was with them every step of the way. It didn't matter that I wasn't alive in the heyday of the Four Seasons. Two and a half hours flew by and I didn't want it to end.

The best part? Watching those four guys and seeing the joy on their faces. They love doing this show so much. Even after the months and months of doing eight shows a week. Now that's awesome!

I drove home singing "Big Girls Don't Cry" and bouncing in my seat. Too bad they leave after Thursday...

"Vivaldi thought of it first."
"Some guy stole our name?! I'll talk to him!"
-Jersey Boys

Frankly, I'm Stunned!

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 6 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

That was with the first name Katherine! With the first name "Kati," I get that NO ONE has that name! Does that mean I don't exist?

It also says that more than 99.9% of the people named Kati are female. I'm just wondering about the .01% that are guys... I suppose that weirder stuff has happened.

Me and SPF

Being that it hasn't rained in Burbank in about eight months now, I've been dwelling on the sun. Both, literally and figuratively. I was thinking about the Irish fair I went to about a year ago. It was blistering hot in Anaheim and we were outside all day, admiring the sheep dogs, drooling over the jewelry, marvelling at the step dancers' wigs, and contemplating buying t-shirts that said, "Feck off."

In anticipation of the heat, I wore a light peasant shirt. Long sleeved to keep the sun off my arms. I smeared myself with SPF 5,000. Face, neck, ears, decollotage, and even my hands.

We got home that night, I took off my shirt and bra, glanced in the mirror, said "Damn!" and went to find Robyn.

I had a line of white cutting through the salmon pink on my back. My bra had protected me, but I had sunburnt THROUGH my damned shirt. THROUGH IT!!!

Robyn confirmed that I was indeed burnt and I grumbled my way into the bathroom to find the aloe vera.

I've now reached a whole new level of paranoia. Apparently, I can only leave the house while wearing lead clothing.

I'm going to go look up rain dances on Google now.

A Decade's Worth

Yesterday, the metaphorical curtain came down on my tenth show that I've stage managed. I'm ridiculously pleased with myself over it too.

So, here's a look back at all ten.

1. An Orchesis modern dance concert in college. A landmark because it was the first. They picked me for this one, because I was dancer for so long and claimed to know how their minds work. This is usually true, except for the crazy woman who directed this concert. She called me a dip-shit in a production meeting and was the first director to make me cry. I'm amazed that this was a good enough experience that I agreed to do...

2. Our Country's Good. Also for my stage managing class in college, but not for credit. Their SM fell through and I agreed to do it out of the goodness of my heart. Mum always told me to make my living in life by doing something that I'd be happy to do for free. An excellent play about a convict colony in Australia that decides to put on a play. Irony. I love it. Directed by a slightly more stable woman who only made my cry once, instead of multiple times.

3. The pieces that came before are really only important because they led to this one. What the Butler Saw was my first show in LA and my first show for Banshee. A British farce by Joe Orton about a pychiatrist who's unhappy in his marriage and tries to seduce his new secretary. Through a series of hysterical circumstances, almost the entire cast ends up in their underwear. And note that Sean, the director, didn't make me cry once. Nor has he since.

Favorite quote: "Your actions today would get the Archbishop of Canterbury declared non compos."
"I'm not the Archbishop of Canterbury!"
"No, that will come at a later stage of your illness."

4. The Man from Clare is a beautiful play by John B. Keane. One of the few Irish plays that actually has a happy ending. Aging football player has to face the facts and give way to the young buck who's trying to replace him. Falls in love with local homely girl and enchants her family. One of my favorites. I thought I was OK with this one closing until I got in my car to drive home and sobbed all the way. I look forward to doing another of his plays next spring.

Favorite quote: "Thank God for all things wet!"

5. The Hunt for Red Willie was an interesting experience. It didn't bring in the crowds that we needed/wanted it to. Also a farce about poitin makers (that's Irish moonshine, by the way) running about the countryside and a mask with a bizarre influence over those who wear it. We were all glad to see this one close. And yet, we still talk to audience members who say it was their favorite.

6. Mine Eyes Hath Seen has been my favorite out of all the shows I've done. A compilation of journal entries and letters from the Civil War. Amazing because of all the people who came out afterwards saying, "I had no idea!" Gives you a whole new perspective on the people who fought, why they fought, and how they survived (or didn't) during the war. I was very sad to see this one go and started crying even before curtain call started.

Favorite quote: "... gladly would I wash out with my tears, every little stain upon your happiness."

*There was another show that I started to stage manage in this gap, but it was such a hellish experience that I prefer to just ignore the fact that it happened at all. It involved a sociopath director, sobbing, big-ass snakes, too much caffeine, more sobbing, a blatant diregard for equity rules, a ladder, me falling off said ladder, a chiropractor, even more sobbing, a call to my aunt in North Carolina, a resignation 2 days before we opened, a number of hideous reviews, and much rejoicing at being back in the arms of Banshee. I'll leave it at that.*

7. Eclipsed was an intense play about the unwed mothers in the Magdalene laundries in Ireland. The story of a few of them and how they came to be where they are. And their fondness for Elvis. Remember what I said about Irish plays and happy endings...? There was a lot of drinking during this one.

Favorite quote: "The keys, sister! Give us the keys!"

8. Next came Dockers by Martin Lynch. A tale of dock workers in Northern Ireland and their fight against a corrupt union. Ditto about the happy ending. This one was a milestone because it was the first show in our own theatre.

Favorite quote: "Whatever you like now, Sarah. It's all the same to me."

9. Another milestone! First Shakespeare. Henry IV, Part 1 was a pile of fun and very daunting with a cast of 18 and a broadsword battle with 16! And on a stage that's the size of a postage stamp.

Favorite quote: "Jack, how agrees the devil and thee about thy soul that thou soldest him on Good Friday last for a cup of madeira and a cold capon's leg?"

And, last but not least...

10. Power by Nick Dear. Louis XIV and all that jazz. Nicholas Fouquet and his machinations. Building Versailles, imprisonment, adultery, fashion, more adultery, and of course apricots. McKerrin was a great director and, also, didn't make me cry. To think that I was going to take a break for this show... Pssh! I'm OK with this one ending because I really need to clean my apartment and go to the grocery store.

Favorite quote: "As for the clergy, they will suffer for their idiotic celibacy."

(Why is it that now while I write this, I can't remember the best quotes...? Maybe I'll have to go back and check my scripts for better ones.)

What comes next, you ask? If I tell you now, then I won't have anything to blog about in the next months. You'll have to keep reading... Just know that it took coercion, bribery, and much cajoling to talk me into the next one. It's a real upper! Ooh, you can feel the sarcasm oozing through the screen, can't you? My loins are girded, so to speak. And not in a fun way.

God, I love live theatre!

Be True To Your School!

I found this meme and had to give it a go. I was reminiscing about Ben Lomond High just yesterday.

What year was it?
1994-1998 "Standing with spirit, proud and great, the fighting Scots of '98!" I can't believe I remember that.

What were your three favorite bands (performers)?
Well, I didn't listen to the radio. I listened to musicals, mostly. And Neil Diamond. Nanci Griffith and Mary Chapin Carpenter were in there too. Cool, that's three.

What was your favorite outfit?
Hmm... I know there was something that I always wore first when the laundry was clean, but of course I can't remember what it was. I had an Eddie Bauer shirt that I always felt really good in.

What was up with your hair?
Jesus. First it was bobbed and FROSTED! Yes, you read that correctly. And FRIZZY!!! Oh my God. I was coming to terms with my natural curl in those days. I let it grow pretty long in my senior year and finally colored it red. (Many thanks to Matt Bond for telling me that I looked like I had dissected a cat and stuck my head into it. Matt also ate cat food and butter pats with the paper still on.)

Who were your best friends?
Jennie, of course! Sarah, Cathy, Jill, Taylor, Ben. And anyone I survived choir with.

What did you do after school?
Modern dance the first couple years.
My senior year, Modern choir every day and taught dance with my mom on Tuesday's.

Where did you work?
I worked over the summers with Grandfather fixing generators.

Did you take the bus?
I walked until I was old enough to have a car. (And when I finally passed my driving test...)

Who did you have a crush on?
The president of our highschool church group. You can imagine how well that ended. He was also dating one of my best friends.

Did you fight with your parents?
Nope.

Who did you have a CELEBRITY crush on?
Dude, like I remember...

Did you smoke cigarettes?
NO.

Did you lug all of your books around in your backpack all day because you were too nervous to find your locker?
You know it. Only in the beginning, though.

Did you have a ‘clique’?
I had choir. I guess that counts.

Did you have “The Max” like Zach, Kelly, and Slater?
I'm sorry. Saved by the Bell references get nowhere with me.

Admit it, were you popular?
Not the most popular, but I wasn't a geek either.

Who did you want to be just like?
My incredibly awesome aunt who was living in LA and the funniest person I knew.

What did you want to be when you grew up?
An Egyptologist. For years. And when I finally realized I wasn't going to be Indiana Jones it was quite a blow.

Where did you think you’d be at the age you are now?
Nine years later? All I know, is that the life I'm living now, is definitely NOT what I foresaw. That's just fine, though. :)

Friday Quote!

"Actors are rogues and vagabonds. Or they ought to be."
-Helen Mirren

More Boredom...

Here's another one you can ignore. More boredom to ensue.

1. How did you get the idea for your profile name? Meaning, "Kati" or meaning, "What the Hell"? Well, Kati's pretty damn obvious. What the Hell?! is just one of those phrases that has insinuated itself into my life and fits so often.

2. What song are you playing now, or wish you were playing? "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen.

3. Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry? John Spencer's death had me on the verge of tears for about a week.

4. What colour underwear are you wearing? Hang on... Sky blue Jockeys.

5. Do you want a baby? Now? Hell, no. Eventually? Maybe.

6. What does your dad do for a living? He's a librarian. Again.

7. What does your mum do for a living? She runs a child-care resource and referral service.

8. What is/are your pet's name(s)? Brid, my baby bumblebee.

9. What colour are your bed sheets? At the moment, pale green cotton.

10. What are the last 3 digits of your phone number? Which phone number? 022.

11. What was the last concert you went to? U2!!!! A religious experience!

12. Who was with you? Debbie, cause she kicks ass!

13. What was the last film you watched? Die Another Day. Wow, it was awful.

14. Who do you dislike most at this moment? I don't dislike anyone at the moment. It's almost a holiday, I'm willing to be lenient.

15. What food do you crave right now? Something involving mashed potatoes.

16. Did you dream last night? Not that I remember.

17. What was the last TV show you watched? Smallville. I've been sucked in!

18. What is your fav piece of jewelry? My necklace that's a little piece of a map that has London in the middle.

19. What is to the left of you? The wall of my cubicle and a rather nice picture of Hugh Laurie.

20. What was the last thing you ate? Half a chocolate muffin. Mmmm...

21. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Damn, I have lots of guy friends, but who's the best... Maybe, Dan. He's always happy to see me and he makes me laugh even when he's pissing me off.

22. Who last IM'd you? My boss about setting up a meeting. Snore.

23. Where is your significant other right now? Shut up! Fine, my CAT is at home, probably asleep on the dining room table.

24. Do you have a crush? Don't we all?

25. What is his/her name? No way, man.

26. When was the last time you had your hair cut? About a month ago. Way short, way cute, and back to my preferred shade of red.

27. Are you on any meds? What are you implying?

28. Do you have a mental disease? I guess that depends on what you call "disease."

29. What shirt are you wearing? My Innsmouth High swim team shirt.

30. Are you sexy? I like to think so, although sometimes I'm more certain of it than others.

31. What's your favourite store? Barnes & Noble or any other book store. And Sephora cause I get to go all girly.

32. Are you thirsty? A little bit. Maybe they've restocked our fridge with Coke. Must go check.

33. Can you imagine yourself ever getting married? Yes, but it would have to be for the right man. Not just anyone could entice me into that. What does Elizabeth Bennett say? "I am determined that nothing but the deepest love shall induce me into matrimony... so I shall end an old maid and teach your ten children to embroider cushions and play their instruments very ill." That sounds about right.

34. Who's someone you haven't seen in a while and miss? Jennie.

35. Where do you work? Right here. Can I go home yet?

Bored Beyond Belief

No one has to read all of this, I'm just killing time. :)

I am... at peace with the world. (That's the mantra to keep my hayfever in check.)

I said... "Learn your lines or I'll come after you with a big, sharp stick!"

I want... something tasty for lunch.

I wish... there was more time this week to get our set painted.

I hate... mean people.

I miss... my mummsy.

I fear... clowns.

I hear... the lines from Power in my sleep.

I wonder... what comes next.

I regret... eating that doughnut for breakfast. Ugh!

I am not... giving in.

I dance... through life.

I sing... stuff from Jersey Boys at the top of my lungs in the car.

I cry... at tbe end of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon when Chow Yun-Fat dies in Michelle Yeoh's arms.

I'm not always... as organized as I want to be.

I made... a very tasty chicken and pasta dish a few weeks ago. Thanks to Penzey's!

I write... when I feel inspired.

I confuse... myself.

I need... a day off. Thank God for the 4th.

I should... go help them paint the set tomorrow, but I just mentioned that I need a day off. Dilemma.

I start... many cans of Coke.

I finish... many cans of Coke.

I believe in... passion and living life to it's fullest.

I know... Power is going to be fantastic!

I can... feel it coming.

I can't... help but smile.

I see... more than you think I do.

I blog... when I'm bored. Like now.

I read... therefore I am.

I am aroused by... mischevious smiles and clever banter.

It pisses me off... when people are late.

I find... rubber chickens deeply amusing.

I like... watching rain fall.

I love... Cheetos. What can I say, I'm a simple girl.

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Empress Kati the Weird of St Winifred by Winchelsea Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Can you tell that I'm bored...?

His Girl Friday Quote for Friday!

Hildy: "I spent six weeks in Reno, then Bermuda, oh, about four months, I guess. It seems like yesterday to me."
Walter: "Maybe it was yesterday, Hildy. Been seeing me in your dreams?"
Hildy: "Oh, no, Mama doesn't dream about you anymore, Walter. You wouldn't know the old girl now."
Walter: "I'd know you anytime, anyplace, anywhere."

Such an awesome movie! Cary Grant, why don't you love me?

C is for Cookie

My life at the moment is full of sex-crazed Frenchmen and jilted women. Fortunately, I am not one of these poor ladies. I'm just watching them gallavant about on stage.

I found a nice little surprise when I got to the theatre last Friday. It had been a bitch of a day and I was pleased as punch that it was Friday evening! Sigh. I unlocked everything, turned on the lights, and went to dump all my stuff onto the seat next to My Chair.

Yes, that should be capitalized. You see, I always sit in the same seat. I have done for four years and eight shows. I sat in a different seat only once and it freaked me out too much. Everybody knows that the third chair to the right, in the third row, on the right side of the house is MINE. They see me coming and move out of it. Usually, that doesn't happen, though, because I'm almost always the first one there. (The benefits of having a key to the building.)

But, back to my TGIF story. I go to drop my luggage and there sitting on my seat is a blue paper plate and... joy of joys... a cookie.

Now, this was not a fancy shmancy cookie. It was just a TollHouse chocolate chip generic cookie. You would have thought it was the Hope Diamond sitting there from the way I reacted. Thank God none of the cast was there or they would have committed me to the loony bin then and there.

*Side Note: You can print your own Insanity Certificates here. Those boys at the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society should know insane when they see it.

I grinned and giggled and (yes, I admit it) I think I may have squealed. OK, maybe not that far, but still I was ridiculously happy to see it.

Then I started wondering who might have left it for me. I had been there Thursday night until 11:15 or so, so that was out. I knew there was a class on Friday morning's, but I didn't think any of them knew me well enough to leave me a cookie. It's possible that someone was just being piggy and left it there by mistake, but I prefer to think that some good person thought to themselves, "It's Friday. Kati needs a cookie. I know this is her seat. Isn't she cute how she always sits in the same one? If I leave it right here, she'll find it when she comes to rehearsal and it will make her afternoon. How I adore her."

A little over the top perhaps, but hey, a girl can dream!

All I have to say, is that cookie tasted damned good.

Give Me Your Hands if We be Friends

My roomie moved out last week. And I have to say, I'm very bummed about it. I mean, good for her that she's making enough money to afford a place of her own and good for me that she only moved across the street. But, still...

What about those Saturday mornings when she'd be so excited that I had made a pot of tea?

What about the geekazoid West Wing marathons? Or the Peter Wimsey marathons, complete with gin and tonics?

It's very lonely to get home from rehearsal after 11pm and not have her watching South Park. Only the cat awaiting me in a pitch black apartment.

I was ridiculously touched one night this week when she had stopped by to pick up her mail and left the light on for me.

I may be getting a new roommate, but it won't be the same.

And then a part of me says, "Suck it up, Katherine. She's across the damn street!"

Thanks, Robyn.

Once More Into the Breach

Yes, it's that time again, my cherubs.

Time for rehearsal!

Power by Nick Dear. The story of Louis XIV, the Sun King.

New director to work with.

Kick-ass cast. Except for the fact that it's missing my auntie and her beau. Poo on that.

How do I screen roommates when I have so little free time?

Why did the last woman have to turn out to be a flake?

How come the other cool one has found somewhere else to live?

Why? Why? Why?

God, listen to me! Bitch, bitch, bitch!!! I sound overwhelmed, which I'm not. Maybe, "slightly irked" is a better term for it.

Whew, I'm over it. I love going into rehearsal. You know generally what will happen, but it's the details and the journey that make it all different and worth while. Six weeks of exploring and peeling away the layers of the people and the story. Six weeks of making something truly beautiful that will, hopefully, touch someone's life. (Other than mine, of course.) All I have to say is, "Bring it on!"

"We shall be remembered.
We few, we happy few.
We band of brothers.
For he today that sheds his blood with me,
shall be my brother,
be he ne'er so vile."
-Henry V

We're Not in Burbank Anymore, Baby!

So, last weekend, I drove to Vegas. Memorial Day weekend... Vegas... Yes, I am insane.

My pseudo-uncle moved to Vegas and I followed him in his car.

Why, you ask?

To retrieve my beloved Miata.

Ah, perfect sense.

Yes, my cherubs, my car is once again mine. Huzzah! It is pristinely clean and running like a dream. No more busses for me.

But, that's not what this post is about. Oh, no. This post is about The Drive to Vegas. (Dun, dun dun.)

First of all, I was cruising along behind the U-Haul truck, trying to stay awake and a PT cruiser... well, cruised past me and the back window had an ad for "Hookah Parties" on it. (I love living somewhere where that can happen.) I had to call my auntie and cheer.

Second was the place in Baker where you can buy "Alien Fresh Jerky." I don't really need to say more about that. The pictures it creates in your mind do it more justice than I ever could.

Third was the temperature in Baker. F***ing hot is the only way to describe it. Seriously. I'm a girl with a pretty decent vocabulary, but that is the only word that is accurate enough. I'm sure it wasn't even the hottest it could be either. I got out of the car, almost fell down, and thought, "I really need to go back to Burbank."

Another reason why I desperately wanted to get the hell out of Baker was the pleasant up-standing gentleman lurking outside of the gas station. Let's see if I can describe him without hurling all over my keyboard. He was 80,000 years old and shirtless. (Nice.) Sunburnt to within an inch of his life and with three inches of tighty-whity showing above the waistband of his none-so-nice jeans. One crutch (for drama, I suppose) and a cigarette hanging off his lip (for emphyzema, I suppose).

My cousin, who was in a rotten mood and convinced that I had the keys to the truck, kept trying to rifle my pockets while dear old dad was going potty. Well, Mr. Clean made some remark about how dear lil cuz really just wanted to feel me up. Needless to say, I didn't ask him to elaborate.

All in all, I got a good blog post and a car out of the whole shebang, so I figure I came out on top.

Although, when I stopped in Baker on the way home, I was very glad to see that Prince Charming was no longer there. Maybe he went down the road to get some alien jerky.

Ah, What Fools These Mortals Be

I'm supposed to go to a Shakespeare "mash-up" tonight. The thespians of Banshee are gathering for an evening of scenes, monologues and Bard-inspired mayhem.

I even have a monologue picked out and memorized. (Robyn says I have to read if I go.)

Yes, I said, "if."

How lame is it that I want to chicken out, go home, eat something tasty, have a glass of wine and read a book instead?

I'm pretty sure they wouldn't laugh at me if I sucked (maybe Dan would), but I would still know that I sucked. Better to just bugger off an forget the whole thing, right?

That's my rationalization anyway.

I keep making excuses like, it doesn't start until 7:30! And, I really need to do laundry. Pathetic.

You know that line from Wicked, "I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn and we are led to those that help us most to grow if we let them and we help them in return."

Well, yeah, the sentiment rocks, it's just getting myself to do it. Step outside the comfort zone, take a deep breath, and jump. "Defy gravity," as it were.

Well, here's the monologue one way or the other.

"If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended.
That you have but slumbered here, while these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme no more yielding but a dream.
Gentles do not reprehend, if you pardon, we will mend
And as I am an honest Puck, if we have unearned luck
Now to scape the serpents tongue,
We will make amends ere long
Else the Puck a liar call.
So good night unto you all.
Give me your hands if we be friends
And Robin will restore amends."
-A Midsummer Night's Dream

AKA The Anti-Umbridge League

Mother, Mother Ocean

My parents were in LA this past weekend and one of the two things my dear, sweet daddy wanted to do was go tide-pooling. I've lived in LA for over four years and I haven't been to the beach ONCE.

I know. This is sacrilege. I could be stoned in the streets.

Whatever. The beach is not my thing. I get sand in my eyes, my mouth, my contacts, and my pants. There are scary "beach people" there. You know the ones I mean! The bikini-wearing, breast-implant-baring, bottled-blond, snooty beach people who take over Santa Monica regularly. Shudder.

Well, with all the bitching and moaning in my head, I wasn't enthused about getting in the car for two hours there and two hours back and God only knew how many hours actually at the beach.

I've become too jaded in my Angeleno lifestyle.

The beach was beautiful. The water was freezing, the sky blue, and the children were jumping rope with seaweed. The seagulls were basking in the shallows and my daddy was clambering around on rocks like a big 6 year old, looking for anemones and starfish.

We watched the surfers and sailboarders bite the dust time and time again. We sat in the sand and I tried valiantly to ignore the bit that was down my pants. The waves crashed on the rocks and I found my inner Jimmy Buffett.

"Mother, mother ocean,
I have heard you call,
Wanted to sail upon your waters
since I was three feet tall.
You've seen it all, you've seen it all.

Watch the men who rode you,
Switch from sails to steam.
And in your belly you hold the treasure
that few have ever seen,
most of them dreams, Most of them dreams."

-A Pirate Looks at Forty

Friday Quote

"Why's a test-ban treaty so important? Let me tell you. In 1974, India set off a peaceful nuclear explosion. Indira Ghandi herself said they had no intention of building a bomb, they just wanted to know that they could. Twenty years later, India sets off five nuclear explosions. Who gets nervous? Pakistan. And when Pakistan gets nervous, everybody gets nervous. You know why? Cause we're all gonna die."
-The West Wing, "The Lame Duck Congress"

Picture Richard Schiff saying it in his brilliant way.

The Toothpick is Mightier Than the Sword

I heard about this last weekend and couldn't rest until I knew more!



Oh, the carnage!

Easter at the Banshee!

Now that I'm in my late twenties, Easter has lost quite a bit of the shine that it used to have. The endless flow of cheap candy and crap bubble gum doesn't appeal to me as it once did.

I remember fondly my large stuffed bunnies, wearing my brand new swim suits and sun dresses. But, no more. Easter is now about brunch, as I have mentioned before, and boy was it good!

Yesterday, though, I had a resurgence in the merriment! The fearless leaders of Theatre Banshee, boldly took it on themselves to create an adult Easter egg hunt for the cast and crew of Henry IV. They felt bad for making us do a show on a holiday... (Anybody else think it's funny that was had St. Patty's off, but had a show on Easter? Yeah, me too.)

And so I found myself standing outside the theatre at five minutes to noon, with a half dozen of my brethren elbowing their way to get closest to the door. They even fibbed to poor Fleur to try and get her to go home. The mob mentality was not improved by the evil, grinning figure of Sean peering out through the window, peaking his head out of the door, murmuring "T minus four minutes," and then scampering away again.

It must have been priceless to see us running like crazed maniacs when they finally opened the doors. The squealing and shrieking when one of us found an egg. The expletives when someone found an egg in a place that we'd thoroughly searched not ten seconds before. We were crawling around on our hands and knees, ransacking every square inch of the place (Yes, in fact, I did look in the toilet tanks, thank you very much), trying to find plastic eggs full of jelly beans. (JELLY BEANS for God's sake!)

The best part were the eggs that had slips of paper in them. Complete with Shakespearean quotes, naturally. Those, we took to Leslie and redeemed for corresponding prizes. We were afraid that we'd end up with the God-awful white elephants from Christmas parties of year's past. Fortunately, this wasn't the case. Robyn ended up with a box of See's chocolates, a box of See's suckers and some homemade garlic butter (Drool!). I ended up with two bottles of gourmet ale and a salami flavoured with chianti. We grabbed a baguette on the way home and had a damn fine Easter dinner.

Full points on ingenuity to Sean for hiding that egg in the coffee pot, in the leftover coffee grounds from Saturday night's show. And full points to me for thinking of looking there.

And full points to both Sean and Leslie for creating the most fun Easter I've had in years! Thanks, guys!

Springtime in Burbank

How do I know it's springtime in Burbank?

Well, aside from these lovely lily thingys (I've been informed that it's a clivia. Thanks, Mel!), there's the shrub of jasmine that I pass every morning that will be covered in blossoms by Easter morning.

There's the whiff of mock orange on the air as I walk home each night.

There's the fact that it keeps getting warmer and I don't need the electric mattress pad on my bed anymore.

There's the fact that Quincy has taken to sleeping curled up around the toilet and Brid has taken to napping in my closet.

All things that seem to indicate a change in season.

I have to say that I never particularly look forward to the summer. Either in L.A. or in Utah, for that matter. I hate being hot while I'm trying to sleep. Ick. I love sleeping with a jillion blankets on me and a cool breeze on my face.

One good thing about spring in Burbank, and mainly Easter in Burbank, is brunch at the beloved Smokehouse! Crab legs and shrimp as far as the eye can see, egg's benedict, crepes, prime rib, garlic cheese toast the color of... well nothing else is that orange, and free-flowing champagne at nine thirty on a Sunday morning. And, of course, my family away from my family.

Screw easter egg hunts, this is really how to celebrate a holiday. Well, that and a Star Wars egg decorating kit sent to me by my beloved mummy.

Since I have tomorrow off, I'll leave you with my Good Friday Quote! It's one of my favorite's from Henry IV, Part 1, although part of it is the way Jason says it.

"Jack, how agrees the devil and thee about thy soul, that thou soldest him on Good Friday last for a cup of madeira and a cold capon's leg?"

Happy Easter!

Friday Quote!

"You've got red on you."
-Shaun of the Dead

This *is* the droid you're looking for...

See this? A mailbox that looks like R2-D2? Is that awesome, or what?!

My auntie saw it recently and told me I had to check it out. It's right down the street from where I get on and off the bus.

I thought to myself, "Why is the post office making mailboxes look like droids?"

Well, I checked out their website today and found out that they've got stamps coming out for the 30th anniversary (!!!) of Star Wars. Some pretty cool ones, in fact. You can vote for your favorite. I couldn't decide between Yoda and the Millenium Falcon. (Yup, I'm still a geek.)

You can go about your business and may the force be with you.

And Yet...

I feel the need to post a slight addendum to my recent writings on the lack of awards for stage managers. At the Backstage West Garland Awards last night, I may not have been there to receive an award, and yet when the people I met heard I was a stage manager (and even more specifically, Theatre Banshee's stage manager) every single one of them expressed their admiration.

"Oh, that's such a hard job!"
"It's so hard to find a good stage manager!"
"Do you want to stage manage for MY company?! PLEASE?!"
"You did a really good job on (insert title here)! It was so smooth!"

Even the bartender was suitably impressed. And my dear friends, every time they introduced me to this director or that producer, they always introduced me as "Banshee's stage manager extraordinaire." Completely independent of each other.

I may not have gotten a certificate or a plaque last night, but I definitely got the vindication I was missing last week.

Friday Quote!

"Anti-wrinkle cream, there is. Anti-fat-bastard cream, there is not."
- The Full Monty

Pop, Pop, Pop

Bus drivers are fascinating people. There are a few "usuals" that I see on a regular basis. My favorites inclue The Popper, The Cougher, and That One Guy.

The Popper is a two hundred pound black woman who pops her gum constantly. Pop, pop, pop... Pop, pop, pop. All the way home. She's also exceedingly grouchy and nearly ran over a guy once who was just trying to put his bike on the rack on the front of the bus.

The cougher I always see in the mornings. She's been sick recently and her phlegmatic coughs are heard over the roar of U2 on my iPod. I sit far away from her, but she'll at least smile and say "Good morning" to me.

That One Guy waited for me for three minutes one morning. I was across the street, waiting for the light to change, so I didn't get run over by a Beemer. (More on that in a second.) He knew that I was usually there at that time of the morning, figured I was running late, and actually stalled, so I wouldn't miss the bus. How sweet is that?! Granted, he didn't wait long enough and I was still across the street when he left, but it's the thought that counts, right?

A slight tangent about getting run over by a BMW... About a month ago, I was crossing the street from the bus stop to go to the theatre. This was the night before Henry IV opened. I was about 5 feet from the curb and a BMW pulls up on my right, waiting to turn right. He rolled closer and closer, paying more attention to his cell phone than my flesh. I veered to my left a little, trying to avoid him, but he kept coming. He got within about 5 inches of my right knee before the bastard finally stopped. And the thing was, he looked at me as if to say, "What the hell are you doing crossing the street in front of my precious car?" I looked at him as if to say, "Asshole! Hang up your freakin' phone and drive your car!"

I got to the theatre and told Sean, the director, that I'd nearly been run over by a car and he said, "Didn't you tell this guy that if he'd hit you, I'd would have hunt him down and killed him?" We always made jokes about "You should have this key, in case I get hit by a bus." They don't seem so funny anymore.

And now for something completely out of left field. My fellow Banshees are attending the LA Drama Critics Circle Awards tonight and we've been nominated for two awards. Good luck, you guys!

I Feel Like This Sometimes Too

Do you ever have one of those days where you just NEED A DAMNED COOKIE?! And you CAN'T GET THE BAG OPEN?!

Watch this...

A SM's Real World

I am lovingly cocooned in my little stage managing world. Protected and buffered from the outside world by my lovely Banshees, but I got a dose of what it's really like for stage managers this week.

My fabulous theatre company had two productions last year and BOTH have won Backstage West Garland Awards for Best Ensemble. The reception for the winners is invitation only. I stage managed both of them, worked my ass off for both of them. Did I get an invitation to help my friends and colleagues celebrate in their time of glory? No. I kept thinking, "Surely, they'll include me!" But other people got their invites and my mailbox was empty. I have to say my heart broke just the tiniest bit when I realized I wasn't getting one.

My fellow Banshees know I was part of the ensemble. An extra penitent in the Magdalene laundries during Eclipsed and an extra docker slinging heaves in Dockers. An integral part of each show. I was at every rehearsal, every show, set all the props (stinky laundry and fake booze galore), ran the lights and the sound... You can tell I'm more than a little frustrated. The actors/director are always blissfully appreciative of the work I put in. The cast of Eclipsed even bought me a facial at a local spa after the show closed. But, not everyone is as classy as Banshee.

Fortunately, everyone who was invited gets to bring a "guest." So, I do get to go (I'll try not to be bitter), instead of sitting at home brooding in my pajamas, while eating chocolate ice cream out of the carton and watching bad re-runs.

I looked on the internet this morning and I can find a few measly awards for student SM's, but bupkiss for those of us in the "real world." No Garland Awards, no Ovation Awards, and certainly no Tony Awards. Designers? Bet your ass? Directors, producers, composers, actors? Of course, it goes without saying! If someone out there knows why SM's are so egregiously over-looked, please let me know.

Well, for myself and the other stage managers out there, who work our asses off and you know we've done a good job because they DON'T mention us in the reviews, know that we don't begrudge the actors their moment in the sun, just let us be there to lift a glass as well.

You Know You're Addicted to Coca-Cola When...

...you've gone cold turkey and contemplate french-kissing a gnarly old dude on the bus just because you see him drinking one and think you might be able to suck some off his tonsils.

Seriously.

Bacon-Scented Clowns Reading Emma

My friends are weird. Yup. Weird, weird, weird.

What's that? You say I'm weird too? Otherwise, I wouldn't hang out with them, let alone think they're hysterically funny? What the hell do you know?!

Whew! OK, I'm done being defensive, swear to God. Mel Torme is singing "Blue Moon" to me and it's calming me right down. Sigh.

How are my friends weird, you ask? Well, I'm establishing my stance with the evidence of the presents they give me. Take for the first example, a birthday present from last year. My gorgeous friend Susan gave me a bottle of (good) champagne, a plastic tiara and earrings set, a Target giftcard, and a bacon-scented air freshener. Yes, my friends, you did read that right. A bacon shaped and scented air freshener. I haven't had the guts to open it yet. But it makes me smile everytime I look at it. Thanks, Suz!

Second point. My sweet Auntie gave me The Pop-Up Book of Phobias a few Christmas' ago. Not only does it faithfully describe a good many terrifying things, they pop right out at you. (I'll have to go into my hatred of clowns in another post. Clowns, E.T., snakes, and Gone with the Wind. Shudder.) Weird, yes. But supremely cool. Love you, Puddin'!

And then for my last birthday, my Puddin's fiance, Josh gave me a Jane Austen action figure. Complete with quill, copy of Pride & Prejudice, and karate chop action. OK, so I fibbed about the karate chop bit, but the rest is true. I mean, let's face it, when we all think of ACTION, the first person who comes to mind is Jane Austen! She'll pop a cap in your ass if you don't behave in a gentlemanlike manner. You rock, Uncle Josh! :)

So, all in all these guys are... wait, do you smell that? All of a sudden, I have this craving for ham.

The Little Things

I love so many things about living in Burbank and I discovered even more after my car croaked a few months ago. One of my favorite parts of the day is walking the block and a half home from the bus station after work. I get off right in front of Warner Brothers and there's a wonderful two story gallery/hallway that edges one of their buildings.

Listening to my iPod and strolling home helps me decompress. Even the bus ride and waiting at the bus stop is vaguely therapeutic. After the hallway, there's a little green courtyard.

In the morning, I get to see my very favorite part. For years I was a huge fan of Animaniacs. I mean that was how I remembered the states and their capitals! I remember the first time I went to Universal Studios and looked down into the San Fernando Valley and saw the WB water tower. I thought it was the coolest thing in the world. I have to say some of that still sticks even now that I live within spitting distance of it. Here's my kick-ass view of it while walking to the bus stop.

I've got a pretty rockin' view from the bus stop in the mornings too. This is looking back from the direction I've walked. The big arch you can see there is the same hallway from above. You can see how tall it is. I also get to see the posters for whatever movies are approaching. In this case, what new mistake has Gerard Butler made?

This is my view out of the window that's across from my desk. Not too shabby.

And this is the sunset one day last week, just as I was leaving the office. Would I have noticed it if I was driving a car? Maybe. Would it have stopped me in my tracks and made me smile? Probably not. The sunset this Monday was bright pink. Think Maxfield Parrish.

I will be happy to get my car back, but until then I'll enjoy the little things.

Monday Quotes!

"Would you... dance with me?"
"Now? On the eve of your revolution?"
"A revolution without dancing is a revolution not worth having."
- V for Vendetta

"Is everything a joke to you, Gordon?"
"Only the things that matter."
- V for Vendetta